Chapter one



I know we're just like old friends
We just can't pretend

Smashing Pumpkins- Perfect


Her old Jetta cruised on the old road to Las Cruces, New Mexico. 70 mph on the dashboard, windows down, a nice and happy tune blared from the speakers in the car.
At first sight it looked like a very beautiful August day. Maria DeLuca sat, apparently relaxed, in her car. Her hands loosely on the wheel, the sun bright on her windscreen. The wind blew gently through her open windows and played with her shoulder length blond hair. On a normal day she would have loved it but at this moment the beauty of it all went completely past her.

A million different thoughts flew through her mind. Snippets of conversations with Max and Isabel whirled in her head. “He chases everybody away”… “He just lies there like a vegetable. A very angry vegetable that is” … “He’s just a shadow of the guy he used to be”…

He was Michael. Michael Guerin. She noticed him the first time when she was about 15 years old. He sat in some of her classes in West Roswell High. That was, if he came to school at all. From the first moment she was drawn to him. Michael was a rough guy; a bit of a loner. He didn’t open his mouth often but when he did… Well, let’s say it was directly to the point and very honest. Sometimes a bit too honest, you might say. The thing that fascinated her most was the look in his brown eyes, like they were daring the rest of the world to challenge him.
Eventually she got to know him when her best friend Liz Parker started dating Michael’s best friend Max Evans and a real gang of friends was formed between their friends.

Through the years a ‘love-hate’ kind of friendship arose between Michael and her. They were like water and fire. They could argue like hell, almost coming to blows. Or they could avoid each other like the plague. But they always turned to each other in difficult times. And because of their home situations, that happened quiet alot. When they weren’t arguing or avoiding each other, they could talk for hours. She was one of the few people Michael could really open up to. And now Maria started to think about it, she was probably the only one he really talked too. He didn’t talk that much with Max and Isabel Evans though he was very close to them. Michael and Max had connected in kindergarten and Michael often stayed at the Evans place when home, with his abusive and drunk foster father Hank, became too much.

Michael and Maria never became a couple, though she wouldn’t have mind. But Michael just never saw her that way.

One time, when he was teasing her she had let the truth slip. He had asked “Who do you have your eye on?” Before she could stop herself, she answered. “On you.”. Her face still flushed when she thought about that embarrassing moment. He had looked at her like she was joking. “Ok. And now for real,” was his laconic answer to her honest remark. And because he hadn’t believed her, her love had vanished. Just like that… But the friendship had endured. Well, endured…

At this very moment there was not much left of that friendship. After graduation they all went their separate ways. She went to get her teacher’s degree and he began working as a carpenter. Michael had always been very skilled with his hands. And due to Hank, it had been very important to him to get a job and get away from the trailer he had grown up in. So when he got the opportunity to start with a construction company, he had taken it with both hands.

And when Michael had got himself a girlfriend by the name of Courtney, his friendship with Maria dissolved very quickly. Courtney didn’t like Michael’s friendship with her. She didn’t like their private jokes, the way they laughed together… Courtney found Maria threatening. So for Courtney’s sake, Michael kept some distance and finally stayed away from her. Occasionally they saw each other in the Crashdown but that wasn’t often. And it didn’t go further then a “Hey, it’s been a long time! How is it going?” or inconsequential small talk. And when he moved to Las Cruces, also for Courtney’s sake, he disappeared from Maria’s life completely.

Until a couple of months ago… Her heart had stopped beating for a moment when she heard the news. She still remembered it as if it was yesterday.

Maria had just closed the door from her classroom after a long day teaching when she heard two of the students talking. Normally she enjoyed the conversations between ‘her’ students. They always reminded her of her own teenage years. Those typical teenage problems…

But this time the smile on her face vanished quickly when she heard them talking about an horrific accident. By the time she got to her car, the news had spread around the campus like wildfire. Several people tried to talk to her about it but she could only shake her head. She didn’t know anything more then they already knew.

Michal Guerin was in a coma!

He had been hit by a drunk driver while riding his motorbike and slammed against the concrete piers of a bridge in Las Cruces. Because he was a hometown boy of Roswell, the gossip circuit in Roswell went into overdrive. If you would believe everything they were saying it was a wonder he was still alive.

Before she could even think of driving her car, she sniffed some cedar oil that she always kept on hand. She relaxed a tiny bit but that was interrupted when she got a call on her cellphone. She recognized the ring tone as Liz’s.

Though Liz was normally a very calm person, she sounded frantic then and she skipped the pleasantaries and blurted out her message.
“Maria, can you come to the Crashdown? Like immediately?”

“Is this about Michael?”

“You heard…” Liz murmured.

“Yeah...”

“Come as quickly as you can. The others are coming too. Ok? Oh, and Maria, drive safely.”

“I’ll be there.”

By the time Maria stumbled into the Crashdown, she was a nervous wreck. She was worried and devastated at the same time. Liz was waiting with their oldest friend Alex Whitman, his girlfriend Isabel Evans and their other friends Tess Harding and Kyle Valenti.

“Where’s Max?” Maria demanded when she joined them at the booth where they all sat.

“He’s on his way.” Liz responded.

Kyle added. “Apparently they couldn’t find Hank or Courtney. So the sheriff in Las Cruces contacted my father and he was the one who called Max..”

Isabel started shooting questions at Kyle. “And? What else did your father say? As a sheriff he must know more about this then anybody else. Goddamn it. ”

Kyle held up his hands “Hey, don’t attack me. I know nothing more then you already know. Michael was riding his bike and got smashed by a car.”

“Kyle!”

"Valenti!"

Everybody yelled and Tess tapped him on the head.

“Hey, what did I do? It’s the truth you know” he said offended.

Tess looked at him and shook her head. “Honey, it’s not what you said but HOW you said it.”

But before Kyle could respond, Max walked in.
His friends all glared at him, anxious to know, but nobody dared to start.

It was Maria who pounced when Max was seated. “Max, how is he doing? Is he still alive?”

Max nodded. “Yeah, he is. But it seems really bad. I don’t know if he can survive. They are keeping him in a coma for now. Otherwise it would be too painful for him. In a couple of days they will turn of the machinery and see what will happen. He is very badly bruised and has a cut to the head. They had to operate. He must have a guardian angel. Michael just broke his left arm. But the doctors say it’s too soon to relax. They will know more when the swelling goes down.”

Liz squeezed Max’s hands in comfort. She could see he had a tough time dealing with it all.

“Did you see him, Max? Isabel asked.

“They let me in.” Max covered his face with his hands.. “It was awful. He was just lying there. With all those machines. He was so alone.”

“Define alone” Maria asked.

“I was the only one there for him. The police told me Hank didn’t even answer the phone and when they called around, he didn’t care. That they could stop the machinery for all he cared.”

Everybody erupted in anger at this.

“Oh my God!”

“You can’t mean that!”

“Oh… How I hate that man!”

“And Courtney? Maria asked again.

“Nope. I didn’t see her. Sorry.”

After four days the medical staff of the Las Cruces hospital decided to take Michael off the respirator. After a couple of seconds Michael started to breathe on his own. It was a medical wonder. But Michael didn’t stay that lucky.

Though his wounds healed, he didn’t regain the feeling in his legs. Due to a spinal-cord injury he lost the motor and some sensory function in his legs. The doctors said there was still some hope though.
Because Michael had fallen of his bike before the car smashed his vehicle against the piers of the bridge; the lower side of his back had been hit but the spinal-cord itself was not broken. A part of it had moved and was blocking some important nerves. Doctors called it an incomplete paraplegic injury. Science was on his side though. They said that recent evidence suggested that over 95% of people with an incomplete spinal cord injury recover some locomotory ability. But nobody could guarantee Michael if his personal situation would be permanent or temporary. In the mean time he had to get used to the fact that he was paralyzed.

And anybody who knew Michael just a bit knew this would be very hard for him to take.

After he woke, Michael refused to see anybody except Max and even that was grudgingly. Max became the only connection between Michael and the others. No matter how much they tried, he never gave in.

Isabel had tried to barge her way in once but was immediately kicked out by hospital staff at Michael’s insistence. To everybody’s surprise Michael had the decency to let Mrs. Evans stay when she came. Though she said that he just barely tolerated her.

After Isabel nobody tried again. They relied on Max to keep them posted.

Days became weeks and weeks became months. Because she couldn’t visit him, Maria tried to hold on in other ways. As soon as she heard the news about his paraplegia she looked it up on the internet. She planned to read as much as she could. But after just one paragraph she shut the lid on her laptop. The little bit she read just did not reconcile with anything she knew about Michael. It was like putting a wild puma in a matchbox.

Maria returned her focus to the road. Everything that was going on in her head had to stop. Especially after the meeting they all had in the Crashdown last night. Max had spoken to one of the doctors and the message was very clear. The man had said that things had to change or Michael would be doomed to live his life in his bed for ever. The rehabilitation wouldn’t work if he didn’t cooperate. And as stubborn as he was, he didn’t… So his friends formulated a plan and that was why she was on the road. She was heading to Las Cruces.

She was heading his way.

Chapter two



Is something wrong, she said
Well of course there is
You’re still alive, she said
Oh, and do I deserve to be
Is that the question

Pearl Jam - Alive


Maria took a deep breath. Here she was. Before her was the door to Michael’s room in the rehabilitation center, behind her was the rest of the world. She closed her eyes and leaned against the door frame for support. Her courage was disappearing. Yesterday, and even in the car on the way here, it all seemed so easy. But now, now she didn’t know anymore.

Would she still recognize Michael? And more importantly how would he react? Would he be glad to see her? And in what condition would he be? So many questions. And the answers all lay behind this door… The urge to run grew with the minute.

For the second time she took a deep breath. Maria knew that she would feel sorry afterwards if she didn’t do this. That knowledge gave her strength. She took a sniff of one of her oils. Smoothed her clothes one last time to make sure everything was perfect. And then, with a ‘now or never’, she pushed open the door.

When she entered his room, she found Michael lying in bed, his eyes closed. She took some time to study him. Her eyes slipped from the white sheet to his face.

She recognized him immediately but it wasn’t the same Michael that she used to know. Subconsciously she compared him with the guy she knew five years ago. His long hair was gone. But even though his hair was now short it still had a will of his own and pointed in every direction possible. Like it was when he was sixteen. It defined his often affectionate and stubborn character. His cheekbones were more pronounced, more masculine than they used to be. The boy had obviously become a man. Even being in a hospital bed didn’t detract from his rough masculinity.

She shivered. After all those years, it took just two seconds before she was feeling that same old attraction.

“Seen enough? Then go away!” His harsh voice broke the silence, however his eyes stayed close and he never looked at her.

Though she was shocked by his sudden outburst, she wasn’t planning on leaving. She was staying put.

“Goddamn it! Get out! Beat it! I don’t want to see anybody!” He barked.

“Still as charming as ever, I see!” she replied calmly. “A good day to you too, Michael!”

Her voice shocked him and he opened his eyes. He looked at her briefly and quickly turned his face away. “Maria, I’m not in the mood.”

Maria didn’t let him put her off and she took a step closer to the bed. “Michael…” she began.

He stopped her immediately. “Maria, show’s over! You saw I’m alive. I don’t need any tourists. There’s the hole in the wall they like to call ‘door’!” He gestured widely to emphasize his words.

When he fell silent, she carefully placed her hand on his bed. Her fingers gently stroked his arm.

“And you can keep your pity to yourself!”

Her resolve to remain calm snapped. She gave him a push. “The only person in this room who pities you, is you, Michael! It’s just self-pity you know.” She let her words settle for a moment. “And it doesn’t suit you!”

“Fine!” he softened after his outburst “Damn it, Maria, you can’t imagine what it is to lie here…”

Michael immediately clammed shut. His stone wall rose within seconds. He had already said too much. For the second time he turned away from her and stared out the window. He wanted her to go. He had no desire for visitors and most of all not her.

After his accident, he just wasn’t interested in anything any more. He didn’t care at all. If he could have, he would have pulled the plug on the machines that had kept him alive. But life is never that simple…

He saw her reflection in the window. Still the same small and slim figure. Her blond hair curled on her shoulders. They framed her fine and delicate face. The face with the bright, green eyes that, like a radar, seemed to notice every small detail. Just like now…

She was staring at his back and gripping a small present in her hands. Suddenly she looked up and met his eyes in the reflection. Her eyes flashed. Different emotions showed in them. He couldn’t read them all. But to his surprise he found no pity in her gaze.

He had feared that most of all. He had feared the day Maria would appear beside his bed. She knew him inside out. With those bright eyes of her, she could look right through him. And in no time she would tear his stone wall down with an unfaltering enthusiasm. She would challenge him to take hold of his new life in a wheelchair. That’s the way she was.

In the past he would have let her drag him along. She would deflect all of his worries and problems. But now he got the chills only thinking about it. He wasn’t ready for his life as a disabled person. Just the word itself made him already nauseous and vomiting. ‘Disabled’… He used to be so active and now… Was life still possible without the use of his legs? Was his life still meaningful? What prospects were there for him? God yes, he still was alive. They had shown him pictures of the crash. When he saw what was left of the car and his motorcycle… It was a wonder he was still alive. He got himself through the eye of a needle. He had been fortunate. At least, that’s what everybody kept telling him. And they said there was still some hope left. But he didn’t believe in miracles. Never had. His life had just been stuffed with more bad things than good ones… So he didn’t feel fortunate. Not at all as a matter of fact… He felt more rotten and wretched…

He had to get her out of his room as soon as possible. She had to leave the hospital and his life. As far away as possible. Before she got too close… Michael swallowed when he took another look at her image in the window. And then he met her eyes again.

The eye contact gave Maria strength to proceed. “Why do you just lie here like this?”

“I flunked walking. Anything else?” He couldn’t be any blunter.

She didn’t even attempt to respond. She just stared at him. He could be so stubborn. But then again so was she.

Eventually, Michael was the one who started talking. He spoke so quietly that she had to make an effort to hear each word.

“What are my choices?” His voice trembled a bit and he repeated with a stronger voice.
“What are my choices, Maria?” He wrinkled his forehead while he scratched his eyebrow, visibly agitated.

“I’m a laborer, a carpenter. I like to work with wood and I’m good at it. Give me a piece of material, a milling machine or a format saw and I’m happy. What kind of fucking profession can I do now in a fucking wheelchair? Do I retire at twenty-four? Or am I going to fold up boxes in a rehab center? Or even better, a job in an office! Damn!”

She could hear the bitter sarcasm and sharp mockery in his words.

“You know as well as I do that those things don’t suit me. I’ll be dead after only one day in a fucking boring office. And even if I liked it I just couldn’t do it. My hands are my tools.”

“Well, you still have them, don’t you?” She blurred out.

“What?” He wrinkled his eyebrows in incomprehension. His brown eyes full of questions.

“Well, your hands?” She paused to reinforce her words. “Use them! Your legs are paralyzed, not your hands!”

This was Michaels’s cue to scare her off. He pressed home his advantage.

“God dammit, Maria! Like always, you know better than everybody else on this planet! Little Miss Perfect, descended from her high cloud, came in to let me know how I, stupid disabled one, has to rearrange my life!” He spat out sarcastically.

Maria was impressed. It was true. She had come to spell out some stuff. To prompt him so he would start living again. They had all wanted to shake him awake. And it seemed to be a good plan. Yesterday. Now as she stood besides his bed, where he furiously expressed his displeasure, it didn’t seem so simple. She felt smaller and smaller in the face of his rage.

“This has to stop, all those fucking people who want to interfere my fucking life. I have had it completely! And now, on top of it all, Maria comes to do her bit of motivational speeching. You just love to interfere with everybody’s lives.”

His words hurt her. She thought back on all the moments they had shared in the past. She had always been there for him when it didn’t work out with Hank or when he had problems with his former girlfriends. Michael had called her any time he needed somebody. And every time she had been there and made time to listen him. Had he always thought she was interfering?

After ranting some more, he suddenly grabbed a glass from his bedside locker and threw it at her. It missed her by inches and smashed loudly against the wall behind her. The room stood still for one moment. They stared speechlessly at each other for a moment. Maria was the first to recover. In a split second she saw her teen years passing by. How she and Michael had teased each other and how he, just like now, always got her blood boiling. She didn’t think about his accident or on the fact that he was lying in bed, paralyzed from the waist down.

Maria just remembered the fiery interaction between the both of them. Her reaction was instinctive, a reflex on the spur of the moment. Without thinking she grabbed the first thing she laid her hands on, the gift wrapped CD she had brought along, and threw it at him.

It hit him in the shoulder. Then Maria turned around and fled from the room.

She left Michael completely dazed. Though this was what he wanted, it left him with a sore feeling. As if his attempt to frighten Maria and keep her at arms’ length had somehow blown up in his own face.

At the same moment Maria stood behind the other side of the slammed door. The loud noise brought her back to her senses. Wearily, she leaned against the door and closed her eyes.
“Fuck!” was the only thing that went through her mind. "Fuck!"

Chapter three


Come
As you are
As you were
As I want you to be
As a friend

Nirvana – Come As You Are




Two months later


Maria took a deep breath. Here she was again. Same rehabilitation center, same door, on the outside the same woman. It was déjà vu. But Maria wasn’t that same woman anymore.

After she left the center, doors slamming behind her, Maria had tried to forget about him as much as possible. She had thrown herself into work. But she couldn’t completely forget Michael. On the contrary, thoughts of him haunted her. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she some how had failed him. That she, as his friend, had to do better. She should have acted differently at the rehab center. She should have been more understanding. He had just a severe accident after all. Then she would tell herself that she had done the right thing, there was no point letting him wallow in self-pity and sugarcoat him. Back and forth her thoughts went.

It was two months since that last fatal visit and she had no idea what to expect on the other side of the door. She knew that something must have changed, if the bouquet she received yesterday was anything to go by.

She had moved back home after graduating college. It worked out well for her. She got along with her mother and she could save some money towards getting a place of her own later. Besides, her mom went to a lot of conventions, so she wasn’t around that much. Just like yesterday...

She had came home from school, weary after her long day and had settled on the couch in the living room for the evening intending to make the most of having the place all to herself . She had curled up on the couch with something to drink, to nibble and her laptop. Within minutes she was completely drawn into a fictional dream world by reading her favorite fanfic page and was so absorbed that she wasn’t even aware of the doorbell at first.

She had slouched to the door, and had mumbled her greeting inarticulately.

“Maria Deluca?” The man at the door asked.

Before she could confirm that she was, the man had pushed a multi-colored bouquet in her hands. Confused, she had thanked him and signed for the flowers. In a daze, she wandered back into the living room. She removed the attached card and read it in disbelief. And then a second time… ‘I’m sorry – Michael’

It was such an un-Michael Guerin thing to do!

So here she was. Again.

Hesitantly Maria opened the door of his room. Her eyes immediately flashed to the bed. But the bed was empty, the blankets thrown back. She pushed the door open further and looked around the room. Her eyes stopped at the sight of a man in a wheelchair sitting close to the window.

Michael slowly turned his wheelchair and looked straight into her eyes. “Hey Maria.”

“Michael…”

He looked at her. ‘His Maria’. Though he had really tried to scare her off last time, here she was again. Fierce, firm, combative, passionate and of course, like always, very emotional. And although she tried to mask it, he could see Maria was a bit on guard too. He couldn’t blame her.

“Please, enter my kingdom.” Michael invited with a smirk on his face.

Slowly and still on guard she stepped inside. He waved her to an empty chair. Shakily she took a seat on one of them while he maneuvered his wheelchair closer by.

They spoke simultaneously.

“Maria, I have to…”

“I’m sorry, Michael…”

They looked at each other and Maria started to giggle. It broke the tense atmosphere.

Michael got straight to the point. “Sorry girl, I shouldn’t have attacked you last time. I had no right to do that. Not to you anyway. But you scared the hell out of me.”

She frowned, questions on her face.

“Maria,” he explained, “you just know me too well. You know that. You can see right through me. And I just… I just wasn’t ready for that. You were making me see things I wasn’t ready to face up to. I’m really sorry.” She met his eyes and saw the sincerity of his words and relaxed.

“Michael, stop apologizing. Please. I wasn’t that nice to you either.” She chuckled. “If I recall, well… that glass and that CD… God, we are like two children in kindergarten.”

“Children? I was thinking more like a couple of terrorists,” Michael laughed.

Maria looked up, completely surprised to hear him laugh.

“I had a hard time explaining it to the nurses, I can say that much,” he said.

Carefully he reached out his arm in her direction, but stopped short of touching her hands. Time stood still for a moment and then gently, he placed his hands on hers. He smiled, his eyes shining. “Thank you.”

“Hey! Who are you and what did you do to the real Michael?” She joked. She wasn’t use to an apologetic Michael.

He grinned and shrugged his shoulders. “Well, I have had a lot of time to think about things in here. A bit too much time actually.” He was completely serious again when he continued. “So thank you. You were the only one who told me the truth and didn’t baby me.”

She shrugged her shoulders too. “That’s why we are friends.”

“Yeah…”

“That didn’t sound convincing. What’s wrong?” Maria prodded.

“Nothing.”

“Michael, don’t give me that look! Just spill it, will you!”

Maria kept staring at him, convincing him to explain what was going on in his mind.

“I’m just a bit disappointed.” He finally admitted.

“In me?” She asked defensively.

Michael shook his head.

She continued, “Max? Isabel? Liz?”

“No, no, it’s not them.”

“Hank?”

“Hell no! I got from him what I expected in the first place, nothing!”

Suddenly she was beginning to see the light. “Courtney! It’s about her, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “She is the cherry on the cake of everything that went wrong these last four months. According to Max she never came to see me when I was in the coma. When I finally woke up, she gave me one lousy visit. It took me less than a minute to realize that I couldn’t count on her anymore.” Michael shook his head showing he didn’t understand her behavior. Not even now, weeks later.

“I can’t get my head around it. We were together for almost five years. Five years, Maria. Can you imagine? She said she couldn’t handle my condition!” He silent for a minute. “And if she can’t take it, what am I suppose to do? Kill myself so I can escape my own life?” He slammed his hand on the table to enforce his words.

“Could be a solution to all your problems! Need any help?” Maria smirked, eyebrows raised.

“He, he! Thank you very much!” He smirked a bit but she could see he didn’t welcome her honest remark.

“Just helping you out, just helping you out.” she tried to look innocently while apologizing, hands weaving in the air. But she couldn’t help teasing him. “So, if you’ve no plans to die very soon, what’s your next move then?”

“I’m going to wish Courtney to the moon. And if my body had allowed it, I would personally kicked her all the way there!” He tried to pass it off as a joke but his eyes flashed angrily and the hurt was evident in his voice.

“Well then, she can be happy you’re in that chair then. And now, cut the crap; what are you really going to do with your life?”

“Just living it I suppose. What else can I do Maria? At the moment I’m going from the occupational therapist to the physiotherapist and back. And that’s a chore.” He took a deep breath. “My psychologist was very pleased after your last visit. She said you shook me awake and I’m supposed to thank you on her behalf.”

“And now you’ve snapped out of your funk?”

Michael pulled a face. “Don’t push it. I do what I have to do but don’t expect anything more.”

“Where’s my old friend who had so some much energy in his teens? You used to walk every where. I remember you walked six miles one time to see a girl you were interested in. So, tell me, where is the old Michael?”

“He died in the crash.”

“Michael Guerin!” She exclaimed and jabbed him.

“Ok, sorry, that was over the top. I know,” He laughed now. His smile made his face shine. It was such a relief to see him like this. Maria had only seen this face a couple of times in the past. And only when he felt really comfortable. It gave her hope.

“Funny, huh, after all these years we can still argue and quarrel like this?” he said.

Maria chuckled. “I know, neither of us has changed. We’re both passionate. Or I am at least. And I have the feeling you are too. You just don’t show the same fire anymore. Except maybe when I’m around.”

“What do you want from me, Maria? Superman?”

“No, but I want to see the old Michael, who enjoyed life. The Michael I knew wouldn’t want to live his life without any spark in it. ”

Michael watched her intently, absorbed in her argument.

Maria carried on. “The Michael I knew didn’t even understand the meaning of ‘no’ or ‘impossible’. He just went on and on. He was stubborn and persistent and pig-headed. And…”

He interrupted her: “Hold on Maria. I get the picture; you don’t have to give me the whole book.”

“So?” Though Maria wouldn’t agree the fact she was very much like Michael, she really was. Every word she had used to describe him, fitted her as well.

He hesitated. “Maybe you’re right.”

“Maybe?” Her eyebrow rose.

“You’re right about one thing. In the past when I got something in my head, I was a stickler. I never took ‘no’ for an answer. But just look at it from my point of view, Maria. Be honest. How can you still pursue your dreams if you haven’t any left?”

The grim expression on his face said it all. Now Maria had heard him out, she could understand him more. She didn’t agree with him though. But she could see what he felt.

Encouraged by her attentiveness he continued, “You know, I miss having something to look forward to. The things I do here are practical but not fun to do. It’s just like being back in school. And you know I hated that place. The only things I enjoy at the moment are my drawings and wheelchair basketball. Never expected myself to be an enthusiastic sportsman but it isn’t that bad. I push myself to the limits; I actually feel free doing it. But basketball is like drawing. They’re just hobbies. Only a very certain few get to make a living from their hobbies. And even then…” He trembled. To his surprise he had said much more than he originally had planned. But then again, this was Maria. That girl always got under his skin. No matter where he was or what he was doing.

This time she stopped provoking him. Instead she took his hand and squeezed it. “Michael, I’m glad you told me. I can’t change everything. But I’ll be there. Just like always.”

Maria lifted her hand and caressed his jaw. To her surprise Michael didn’t back off. “But can I give you some advice though?”

Michael smirked. “I don’t suppose I can stop you.”

“That’s right, mister.” She smiled briefly before sobering. “Tear down that stone wall of yours. Not all the way if you can’t handle it at the moment. But just a little. Just enough to let your friends come and see you. You don’t realize it but you kinda need them. And we certainly need you. We miss our grumpy bear. Please?”

Michael just couldn’t say no to the sweet puppy-dog look she gave him. He inhaled deeply before saying “Well, I survived Hurricane Deluca, so what the heck? Nothing else can be that bad. Maybe Isabel, after the stunts I pulled.”

She squeezed his arm and glared at him but he didn’t back down. “Kay. Send them over. On one condition though.”

“And that will be?” Maria wondered.

“Saturday, I’m playing a basketball game. You’re coming with me.”

“It’s a deal. Mmmm… nice sweaty sportsman! A dream come true.” A combination of irony and laughter shimmered in her remark.

He laughed again. “You’re still unbelievable, DeLuca!”

Chapter four


Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Metallica – Nothing Else Matters




The excited cheers reached her even before she could open the swing doors. Impressed by the game she paused for a moment at the entrance before she walked over to the grandstand.

She had tried to imagine what to expect but the reality was completely different. Nothing could beat the real stuff. With astonishment she looked down at the players who skilfully pivoted their wheelchairs on the basket field.

She quickly found Michael amongst his team-mates. He handled his wheelchair easily. Michael was completely focused on the game and he was utterly absorbed by it. Every muscle in his upper arms tightened and glistened with sweat. He always had been muscled but now, when he was totally dependent on his arms…well, it was a very nice view.

Without looking away from the court, Maria found a seat among the other spectators. She was soon engrossed in the game.. The players rushed from one basket to the other with pretty impressive speed. No doubt a ‘normal’ basket player couldn’t beat that. In their desire to reach the ball as fast as possible the wheelchairs occasionally crashed against each other. To her surprise the crashing of the metal didn’t sound awful. If anything, it provoked the spectators of both teams even more in their desire to win the game.

Under the basket the players drummed to acquire the best shooting position. All of a sudden Michael’s wheelchair clicked backwards in the drumming. Maria covered her face with her hands and held her breath. All sorts of worst case scenarios went through her mind.

But after scoring a team-mate gave him a hand. They both laughed. Michael lifted himself and his wheelchair straight up. Her panic had been needless. She saw him smirking boyishly for the score and she heaved a sign of relief.

It was at that moment Maria noticed that Michael, and of course the other players too, were all tied down in special wheelchairs with diagonal placed wheels. She didn’t get much more time to think about it though.

The tension on the field arose again. Once again she was enthralled by the magic of the game and she jumped in fright at the sound of the final horn.

The buzzer of the clock echoed through the basket court and it ended the very noisy competition. Michael’s team had won. The players high-fived enthusiastically in triumph before rushing off in the direction of the dressing rooms. They passed by Maria, who was standing next to the court. A few of them whistled in her direction. Their remarks were very colorfull, to say the least.

“Hey, Guerin, nice catch!”

“Lady, ditch that sonofabitch!”

“Yeah, party with us!”

Michael pulled the brakes of his chair just a couple of inches from Maria’s feet.

”Hello beautiful,” he welcomed.

She snickered. “Macho!”

“Who, me?” Michael asked innocently. She could see the twinkle in his eye

“Unbelievable. You come here and insult me and I don’t even get an hello. Women.”

Maria tried to punch him playfully but he evaded her deftly. “You’ll have to be a bit quicker than that. By the way, how about a kiss?”

“A kiss? Is an ‘hello’ not enough anymore?”

“You can look at the kiss as interest on the hello I still have to get.”

Maria rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You’re an idiot, Michael Guerin. Luckily I like you.” She leaned to his level and with a theatrical flourish he kissed her cheek and rubbed his wet sweaty face against hers.

“Gross, Michael.”

He laughed out loud when she grimaced expressively and grabbed a towel to clean the sweat of his forehead. “You know what? Go to that meeting place.”

She looked at him inquisitively.

He corrected himself. “I mean the cafeteria here in the centre. Can you order me a Snapple? I’ll just go freshen up and I’ll see you over there. Alright?” He sped out of the gym before she could respond.

Shaking her head she watched him leave. “Unbelievable.” she mumbled to herself. Michael Guerin was obviously back. And in a more exuberant way than she had ever seen him. Oh boy.

****

Maria was already sitting at one of the tables when Michael entered the sport centre’s cafeteria. She was playing with a piece of paper but he could see her mind was elsewhere.

Quietly he pushed himself in her direction. He touched her shoulder briefly before wheeling himself into the empty spot opposite her.

She was startled. “Hey you, didn’t hear you coming.”

“That was pretty obvious,” He said gently. He looked at her in concern. “Are you alright?”

She waved his concern away and gave him immediately a typical Maria-smile. “Yeah. No problems. I was just thinking about something.”

“O-oh. Thinking? About me? Please let bygones be bygones.” He smirked a little. “Just leave it.”

She protested at what she felt like an unfair insinuation. “But I wanted to say something positive for once.”

Michael raised his eyebrow. “Something positive? Coming from you? Well, let’s hear it.”

Maria searched for the words and she didn’t notice Michael’s intrigued face. To his astonishment she was very serious.

“I… I just saw you joking and playing around. First with your team mates and afterwards with me.”

He wanted to interrupt her but she didn’t let him. Maria directly lifted a finger to his mouth to shut him up.

“And I liked it, Michael. I know you had a tough time, and that’s probably an understatement. And God only knows the tough moments you’ll face in the future. You have the right to be grumpy and cynical. You really do. But it feels incredible good to see you having fun.”

He nodded, agreeing strongly with her words. “Well, it feels nice to have some fun.”

A grin came on his face. “It’s like I turned an imaginary switch in my head. My accident happened. I can’t do anything about that. And it doesn’t matter if I like it or not. I can’t ignore my wheelchair. But my life hasn’t stopped with the chair. I still got my future in my own hands. And I want to run the thing for all it is worth.”

Her mouth dropped open. Speechlessly, she stared at him. His self-confidence and determination impressed her. What the hell happened to him in just one week? she wondered.

Michael interrupted her thoughts, “Jesus, DeLuca, did you loose your tongue? That would be the first time ever.”

Maria recovered quickly. “Can’t I be impressed, Michael?”

He scratched his eyebrow. “Of course, you can. I’m just not used to seeing it.”

“And I’m not used to seeing you like this, being so firm. Don’t get me wrong. I like what I see. But where the hell did you get it in just one week?”

“You were right.”

“Say that again,” She gaped in surprise.

Michael chuckled. “You want to hear that again? Fine by me, You.Were. Right. You heard it?”

“Loud and clear.”

His grin broadened at her dry reply.

“Come on. Spill it. What was I right about?” Maria asked impatiently.

He took a deep breath. “That I needed my friends. You were right. I do need them. It was a mistake to keep you all at a distance.”

“So they came?” she butted in.

“Yeah, they all came together.”

“Ohhh, Michael.” The blonde woman threw herself at him. Sobbing she clutched him for dear life. The emotional outburst made him stiffen. Uneasy and insecure he glared at the young man besides his bed, his hand helplessly patting Isabel’s back. ‘Help.’ obviously written all over his face.

“Short version, Isabel was crying.”

The man just grinned at his panicked expression. “Well, she missed you just a little,” Alex said, holding his hands wide apart to show how much.

Alex chuckled even more. He found it amusing to see Michael being frightened at Isabel’s behaviour. It served Michael right after all those months Alex had spent comforting Isabel. And definitely for kicking her out his hospital room.

But before he could take it further, Kyle ruined his fun.

“Whoa, Guerin, you see all those nurses -…” He stopped, glancing at the small curly blonde beside him.

“Finish your sentence, Kyle,” Tess said. It looked like she was mad but everyone, except Kyle, could see her eyes twinkle.

“Uh…. His face reddened the more he trapped himself in it. Finally, he just flashed his biggest smile.

“…Alex and Kyle making fun…”

Everybody burst in laughter. It broke the awkwardness.

“Hey, Michael, nice to see you.” Liz winked at him, one hand squeezing Max’s.

Afterwards they talked and joked for hours. When they had gone he had really missed them. But he would never admit that to anybody.

“Max, Liz and Tess just being themselves. It was great though having them over and joking around. I actually missed it”

Or maybe only to Maria…

“But please, if you want to know more, phone Izzie. She’ll tell you everything in minute detail. Like you girls can chat about everything. But that’s not what I wanted to say.’

Michael gazed right into her eyes. He was completely serious now. “The point is I was wrong for the last four years. I’ve been a lousy friend. I took our friendship for granted.” He swallowed heavily after every word. Like he was choking in them.

Michael, apologizing? That didn’t happen oft. And now she had heard it twice in a week. A miracle.

Maria smiled at him, showing him it was alright. That she understood. He sighed in relief.
“Friends again?”

She let him of the hook. “You never lost me, Guerin. You never did.”

“Good. Because I’m in need of a Maria Deluca at the moment.”

Maria chuckled and played along with him. “Mmm, are you?”

“Yeah. If she wouldn’t mind helping me out.” A boyish grin appeared.

“I don’t know if she will have time though.”

He tickled her before she could carry on. She threw her hands in the air “I surrender if you stop tickeling. I’ll do what ever you need me to do.”

An evil grin came on his face. “Anything?”

“Ouch. Almost anything. Ok?”

“Deal,” He accepted and he stopped tickeling.

“So, what do you need me for?”

“Well, here’s the thing. In two months they will probably release me from the rehab centre. That’s if I have a place to go to. And that’s where I have a problem. Max sold my old apartment in Las Cruces on my behalf. First of all I’m not interesting in living in a city. To be honest I actually hated living there. Secondly, it wasn’t suitable for my wheelchair. I also can’t return to Hank’s trailer. Not that I would even if they paid me. I got an offer from Mrs. Evans though. She offered me Max’s old room. It’s empty since he moved in with Liz. I’m thinking about taking it but only if I’m sure it’s a temporary thing.” Michael grinned. “I really need to know that I have someplace to escape to. Because I know it won’t be easy living there.”

“Of course. It will get on your nerves that Mrs. Evans will be constantly worried. You will freak out and drive her up the wall. Sounds about right?”

“Yeah, basically.” Maria was pretty accurate. But he had already admitted she was right once. He wouldn’t give her anymore satisfaction. So he immediately moved on. “So, what I’d like to do is to find a house or something like that in Roswell.”

“Roswell?” she repeated surprised.

“Gee, Maria, you sound like an echo. Why are you surprised? I really want to come back.”

“I see. And are there any restrictions I’ve to consider?”

“It has to be entirely accessible for my iron horse.” He slammed once on the arm rest of his wheelchair. “And like I said, it has to be in Roswell. Preferably not far away from a gym or a basket court where I can still do some practice. I’m not willing to let go the only thing I like doing at the moment.”

“Then I suggest we look on the net, in the newspapers and so on the see what’s available and -”

“I already did that, smarty-pants. I actually need your good taste in things while going house-hunting. If you’d like to do it, that is.”

“With pleasure.” She confirmed, smiling and rubbing her hands in each other thinking about the house haunting. “That’s nothing I like to do more. Spending somebody else’s money.

Michael smirked. “Hoped so. Moving on, what did you think of the game?”
Last edited by Eva on Tue Jun 09, 2009 3:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Chapter five



Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm on my way back
where I belong.

Chantal Kreviazuk



Maria closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh air, enjoying the silence. Only the sound of birds in the bushes broke the silence in the little garden. Behind her she heard Michael’s wheel chair riding through the back door on to the terrace. Maria glanced over her shoulders at him.

“So?” he asked “What’s your opinion?

“Cosy little house. Not too big, not too small. You could really feel home here. What are you thinking yourself?”

He shook his head approvingly. “Not too bad. Certainly not too bad. It’s the best thing we’ve seen in the last couple of weeks.”

Indeed, there he had a point. But that wasn’t so hard. In the last two weeks they had seen several houses at which they had both stared in disbelief. Some little more than slums.

Michael and Maria could write a book about their encounters during house-hunting.

Maria still got sick thinking about that one house where mould grew on the walls.

Michael had joked “Whoa, Maria, they can harvest mushrooms here.” but the stiff real estate agent hadn’t laughed at his remark.

Or that one house the agency had recommended as being perfectly accessible. And indeed, on paper it had looked perfect. Large, airy rooms. No stairs indoors. The realtor had just forgotten to mention the ten steps leading up to the front door. It had been a real disappointment.

And with some laughter she also thought back to the apartment on the fourth floor. It had looked quiet good and they had been pleased to have found something so easily. The feeling lasted until they took the elevator back downstairs.

When they went up, the rickety elevator had amused them. But their laughter faded very fast when they got stuck on the way back. The old elevator held them hostage for more then two hours before a worker could save them both. Maria could laugh about it now but at the time she had clung to Michael for dear life. And every time the elevator had descended with sinister shakes she had squeezed him to death. Michael had found the whole elevator situation very hilarious but he was smart enough not to let her see that just then. He could see she was terrified. So he kept his big mouth shut and just took her in his arms.

They had almost given up their search when Maria noticed something on her way back from school. A bungalow from the seventies was for sale, not far from the centre of Roswell. Maria had called Michael immediately and he had contacted with the real estate agency. And that’s why they were there today.

Maria followed Michael back inside. “Tell me, Michael, what’s the deal? I’m not an expert on this stuff. It looks alright to me but is the house in good condition?”

He looked around the kitchen, deep in thought.

“The kitchen is totally worn out. But that’s actually a good thing because I want adjustable cupboards and cabinets so I can access them easily from my wheel chair. And maybe, if miracles do happen and I could escape this damn thing I could put them up high again.”

He took the curve to the living room and continued his journey through the house.
“The living room is very spacious and there’s no door separating the kitchen. So that’s positive too. The door to the hallway is broad enough. It should be seven inches wider, but well, it’s OK. The toilet is too small to enter with my wheelchair but that’s not really a problem as the bath room is spacious enough to do some adjustments.”

“What needs to be done there?” she asked in interest.

“There’s a small wet room instead of a shower. That’s already perfect. So I just want to adjust the toilet.”

Lingering she added, “But isn’t that too much to do? You’re up to that?”

“Adjusting two rooms is a piece of cake. The other rooms only need a coat of paint. What do you think? Don’t hold back.”

“Well, you’re right. The living room is perfect. The wooden floors are charming. There’s lots of natural light. I can see a bench and some chairs over there. A table and seats in that corner. Some nice colours on the walls. And most of all no posters of Metallica.”

He smirked before he looked on in amusement at her as she whirled around the room. She really looked great. Her eyes sparkled. Her enthusiasm was so apparent. His thoughts surprised him. He had never seen her more then a friend. And now… Well, he wasn’t sure anymore.

When she realised he was staring at her, she broke the silence. “And what’s next to do?”

“Right now?” he asked. “Well, right now we’re going to a pub and I’m buying you a drink. When you were in the garden, I called the realtor and placed a bid. He accepted.”

“So you’re saying you already bought this house?” she asked in astonishment.

“Yeah.” he nodded affirmative. “Well, I do have to sign some paperwork but yeah… You can congratulate me with my new purchase.”

“You impulsive jack-ass.” she punched his shoulder playfully before she threw her hands in the air in an exaggerated fashion. “Why did you even bother to invite me here? Why did you need my opinion when you already made a decision before you heard me out?”

His smile broadened. “Well, first of all, I can’t drive a car at the moment and you’re one heck of a driver. Most of the times that is.” Michael evaded her neatly when she tried to poke him in the ribs.

“Sponger,” she teased.

He grinned playfully at her. “Secondly I saw your beautiful eyes shine like they approved what they were looking at. They started glowing the second we stepped in this place. And thirdly, it’s a great house.” He looked at her in triumph.

She laughed. “What am I supposed to do with you, Michael Guerin? A leech and a charmer at the same time. My God, What did I start here?”

“Something very nice. So let’s finish it. I’m taking you to a nice place. Well that is, you’re driving, I’m treating.”


******


Some time later Maria parked her car beside a bar between Roswell and the rehab center. She grabbed his chair and unfolded it quickly. Michael slipped into the seat and rotated himself in the direction of the entrance. Maria walked alongside him. In the past weeks she had learned not to jump up and help him. Michael wanted to do everything by himself. Even when it got tough. Most of the time it was hard seeing him wrestle his chair but after he had yelled at her once she didn’t interfere again unless he asked. But he was a stubborn guy so that didn’t happen quiet often.

They took a seat at a nice table in a corner. A stern looking waiter showed up to take orders.
Maria read the menu with a lot of interest before deciding. “I’d like a Cherry Coke.”

The waiter wrote down her order and addressed her again. “And what will he have?”

“HE’LL have a beer.” Michael was at the verge of exploding.

Maria saw his temper rise within the minute. But the waiter didn’t react to Michael’s provoking answer. His face stayed straight. Even his eyes didn’t blink. He just turned around and walked speechless to the counter.

“Can you believe it?” Shaking her head she looked at him. “Some people don’t think, do they? Or are they just unsure because they don’t know how to handle a person in a wheel chair?”

“Unsure my ass.” Michael barked. “If I hadn’t promised you a drink and there were other places we could go, I would have left. But I’m never coming back to this pig sty.”

He gestured wildly as he spoke. “Sometimes I really think I got a sign ‘mentaly retarded’ pinned to my forehead. Actually I should put a sign on saying ‘Don’t feed. Can think on his own.’”

Maria laughed.

“What’s the matter?”

The annoyed look on his face made her laugh more. Between giggles, she explained “Nothing. Really. But I was just imagining it. And it was quiet funny to say the least. Can I paint the sign though?”

Her answer dissolved his temper and he laughed along. Still a little on edge but he laughed.

The waiter delivered their drinks wordlessly. Maria lifted her glass and clinked Michael’s. “To your new house.”

“To my new home. I know I’m a long way from home but I took the first step and it feels great. I actually have something to look forward too. Living at the Evans’s house doesn’t feel as suffocating as before. Whenever Mrs Evans starts mothering me, I know I have someplace I can go now.”

“Nice huh.” She said affectionately, enjoying the contented smirk on his face.

“And I have some other plans too? Wanna hear them?”

“No doubt about it. Make my day.”

“I’m going to inquire about getting my driver license back.”

“You, driving?” Maria looked at him in confusion. “But you can’t use your legs. How can you drive for heaven’s sake? Don’t get me wrong. I know you can do whatever you set your mind on. I’ve seen that in the past. And right now too. But is that even legal?”

“Sure, if I pass the test. I can get an adjusted car. You can get you accelerator put on your steering-wheel instead of a pedal. Or they can build in an elevator system to stow the wheel chair away. Thinks like that. I think I’m going to ask Kyle about it. He can do wonders with a car.”

Maria nodded. “You’re right. That would be great. A car would give you great freedom. It doesn’t matter if you are in or out a wheel chair.”

“And you know me, huh, freedom above all things.”

“Hey, Michael, sorry to interrupt but we should start going. Otherwise it will be too late and I have to drop you back at the rehab center.” She changed the subject.

“Can you believe I don’t feel like it?” Michael asked.

She nodded her head. “Totally. But you know what? Next week will be your first weekend at home with the Evans family. Let’s make some arrangements for Saturday. I can rent a movie and we have a cosy evening at my place. My mom is gone for the weekend. Interested?”

He rubbed his hands. “Of course. But can I take it a step further?

She leaned forward and stroked her finger along the palm of his hand, teasing him playfully. “Course you can. Obviously you want some extras, booking a penthouse room in my luxurious hotel. With an exquisite seven courses dinner, a long massage and to finish off, hot steaming sex?

Michael smirked, his eyes twinkled. “Be my guest. I’m always up for that. Ok, for real now, are you going to fetch me at the center on Saturday?”

“Instead of Mr or Mrs Evans?”

“Uh huh. I’m a big boy, you know,” He said with a straight face.

She smiled. “I believe that.” She turned serious. “It’s a long drive to Las Cruces. So let’s say I could be there about eleven o’ clock. Is that ok for you?”

“It’s a date.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whoa, a date with Michael Guerin. A dream come true.” she joked as they left the bar.

Chapter six



We spend all of our lives
Goin’ out of our minds
They live, they stood up for love

Live- They Stood Up For Love



Maria sped into rehab center’s parking lot, cursing under her breath. The clock on her dashboard declared it was past one o’clock. Michael was already at the entrance waiting. The minute he saw her, he put his bag on his lap and with a powerful motion he started riding in her direction.

Instead of parking, Maria just pulled up in the middle of the lot and hopped out of the car. Michael could see she was completely stressed out.

“Sorry, sorry. I know it’s inexcusable. I’m very late but the traffic was murder. There was an accident. It caused a traffic jam and I couldn’t get through. And I really hate to keep a person waiting. Are you alright? And…” Her hands waved in the air to underline every word she was jabbering.

He rolled his eyes. “Maria, I’m just in a wheel chair, I’m not sick. For heaven’s sake, calm down.”

But she didn’t seem to hear him. So Michael took her shaky small hands in his. He brushed them gently with his thumb. She barely noticed it. And like she knew him; Maria was also an open book to him. Most of the time anyway.

So without saying another word he threw his bag on the ground and pulled her on his lap. His arms safely around her slim figure. Speaking softly, he tried to soothe her. “Shhh. It’s no big deal, you being late. I prefer to see you in one piece late than not at all. Come on. Pull it together, girl. It’s alright.”

She obliged, taking a deep breath. “Sorry, Michael, I just freaked out because I’m way too late.”

“I’m not running away, you know. I waited. I’m not going anywhere.” He made sure she understood the message between the lines. And to change the mood he continued in a lighter tone. “Except back to Roswell.”

Maria, like always on a see-saw of emotions, snapped out her mood very quickly. She pulled herself together and gave him a kiss on the cheek as a ‘thank you’. Michael gazed at her to see if she was really alright and she smiled to reassure him.

“Sorry for all the drama,” she muttered, her eyes trained at the ground below.

Michael shrugged. “Nah, don’t worry. I’m used to a Maria DeLuca. So are we off?”

“Yes. Definitely before I make a bigger ass of myself.”

She watched him closely now. He looked good. His light brown untamable hair was, as always, a mess. Every once in a while he ran his right hand through it. Though instead of tidying it up, it just caused his hair to spike up more. Maria thought it suited him.
She had to control the urge to brush his hair. Thinking about it she felt the tension rise between the both of them. Recalling her previous declaration of love to him and his frank reaction on it, she suddenly jumped off his lap, breaking the moment.

Luckily Michael didn’t notice her flushed face. He was already arranging his affairs in her trunk.

The ride home passed without incident. As usual Maria chattered all the way, Michael just listened. Hell, there wasn’t much else he could do. The nickname ‘Hurricane DeLuca’ fitted her well.

They decided to pick a DVD before getting some Chinese food. It took them over thirty minutes to choose a movie they both liked. Michael wanted an action movie, Maria a chick flick one. Maria debated like she wanted to be elected president and finally won the discussion too.

“Hell, just pick what you want. If it will shut you up for five minutes” Michael had growled.

Maria rolled her eyes, tried to look offended. But he could see a smile hiding on her lips when she took the DVD from the shelf although she tried to hide the smug grin of victory.

And so, nearly five hours after she had picked Michael up from the center, Maria drove her car into the driveway of her home. She sighed, weaving a stray lock of hair out of her face. “Oh, I never was so glad to be home.”

“Tired?” he looked at her. Maria’s pale face worried him a bit. “Do you want to postpone our date?”

“Nah,” she shook her head. “It’ll be alright. Just hungry and the driving has worn me out.”

“Oh, it wasn’t the talking and arguing?” he asked innocently. She pretended not to hear him.

Gathering her purse and some belongings she climbed out of the car. “Let’s go inside. What do you need to bring in?”

“As long as you bring me in, I’m satisfied.”

“Well, lucky you have a wheelchair, because I’m sure as hell not carrying you,” she joked.

“Yeah, lucky I have it.” he murmured softly.

Maria didn’t give him a chance to sink into gloom. “Unless you drink a Red Bull of course.”

“A Red Bull?” Michael questioned.

Her face shined. “Yeah, ‘cause a Red Bull will give you wings.”

He chuckled. “Nice one. I’ll have to remember it to mail to the guys in the Center. ‘Cause honestly I heard the most gross and bawdy jokes about handicaps over there. Really un-be-liev-able.”

Michael’s dark mood disappeared before it had the chance to grow. They continued joking and teasing each other while entering the house.

“Whoa, it’s been a very long time I was here.” He wandered around to see if he could see any changes.. “I can’t believe it hasn’t changed a bit.”

“Well, you know my mom, huh?”

Maria went into the kitchen while saying “Settle yourself in the living room, Michael. I’ll fetch cutlery and drinks.”

“Mmm… Being served by the lovely Maria DeLuca. It has been years.”

Michael’s grin made her giggle.

“Well, don’t get to used to it.” She tried to look severe but you could see her eyes twinkle.

“In that case, Miss, I’d like one Cherry Coke and some Chinese food. Just hurry. And bring it to the couch. I’ll be waiting there.” He said with a smirk on his face.

Maria, who was already in the kitchen, peeped her head round the corner. The surprise written all over her face.

“The couch? You’ve already got a chair, don’t you?”

“Yeah” The smirk broadened. “But I’ve already spent most of the day in this thing. It doesn’t feel comfortable after a while. It’s like a pair of shoes. In the evening you’re always glad to take them off.” He explained.

“Ohhh. Point taken. Never thought of it that way though.”

When Maria returned after a couple of minutes, she froze when she saw him sitting on her couch. The way he sat. If she didn’t know about his condition, she would never have guessed.

Michael sat nonchalantly and relaxed. One leg was placed on the other. His black shirt tightened round his broad shoulders. Michael had always been very muscled. But his upper body had become even more powerful because he constantly used his arms to move now. His jeans were not as tight as when he would use his legs every day. But then again, he always wore jeans. He still looked as hot as always. Whoa. What was she thinking?

Maria quickly stopped staring and took a seat beside him. After finishing their dinner they turned on the movie and were soon engrossed in it.

When the closing credits appeared on the screen, Maria was crying. “So pretty.”

Michael laughed when he looked at her. “Whoa, Ria.”

A couple of tears rolled along her cheeks. Swiftly she wiped them away with her sleeves.

“It was so beautiful. Besides I always cry at emo-films.” Maria sniffed. Without being ashamed of her emotions she proudly added “Actually, when I think of it, I cry at everything that is more or less touching. I’ve even cried at news reports.” She blew her nose loudly.

“Can you stay a bit longer too talk some more? She asked. “Otherwise I’m going to keep thinking about it and be too sad to sleep.”

Michael glanced at her begging eyes. Her whole act made him shake his head in laughter. He knew she was a bit of a drama queen but he had never expected her to be so emotional about a stupid movie.

Before he could make his mind up, she realized something. “You’re not going anywhere without my car and my excellent driving skills. So let me get some more drinks. Beer is good for you?”

She went into the kitchen to grab him a beer without waiting for a response.

He shook his head while mumbling “Incredible.”

He yelled at her so she could hear him while standing in the kitchen “You do know I suck in small talk, right?”

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll do the talking for both of us then. I’m good at it.” Her dry remark made him smile.

She came back with a beer for him and a soda for herself and a bowl of candy for them to share. She slouched down next to him.

“Are you going to the Crashdown tomorrow?”

“Maria, what did I just tell you about small talk?” Michael asked.

She stared at him in confusion. “You said you sucked at it. You didn’t say I couldn’t ask questions.”

The twist in Maria’s mind made his eyes roll. “No, but…”

“So, are you?”

He paused for a very long time.

Maria persisted. “Come on, it’s not a trick question. It’s just the Crashdown. It’s not that I’m asking you to go naked.”

Her persistence made him explode. “God damned, Ria, put a sock in it. Have you ever thought about the wheel chair? That maybe I’m not happy in it?”

‘Don’t give me that. In these last few weeks you’ve been to a sports centre, several houses AND a bar.”

He growled “Yeah, but...”

Maria stared at him. She really didn’t see the problem. “And? There’s a difference?”

He didn’t respond, his eyes pinned to the floor.

Not only did Michael suck at small talk, he also flunked expressing his emotions. Always had. In the past he had only opened himself to a few people. Actually he could count them on three fingers, Max, Isabel and Maria. And even Max and Isabel didn’t know everything. Most of the time the rest of the world thought he was emotional retarded. When things got too intense, he closed himself completely off from everybody. Like now. Maria could see his stone wall clam up.

“Stop it right there, Guerin. Talk to me.” Maria’s voice was kind, but firm.

“They didn’t know me there.” He finally croaked out.

“ Ohhh.” She glared at him with her mouth agape and her eyes wide in wonder. His confession hit her. The wheel chair. Most of the time she just didn’t notice he was using it. To her, Michael was still the same person. With or without the stupid thing. But apparently he disagreed.

His anger that hid his vulnerability faded away. Michael’s expression softened. “Look, Maria, I just don’t like to be the centre of attention. Never have been. And certainly not now sitting in that freaking thing over there.” He pointed at the chair.

“Maybe I’ll try it in a couple of weeks. When I feel more relaxed. More at home. ‘Cause you’re right. I miss hanging out with my friends. But I just don’t feel ready to actually go out yet. It’s the other people I’m more worried about.”

“So you know, we miss hanging out with you too.” Maria mused. “We used to have so much fun, hanging out together. In school or at the Crashdown. All of us - You, me, Max, Isabel, Liz, Alex, Kyle and later Tess too. When I think of all the stuff we used to get up to.”

Remembering those fun times, Michael’s anger faded. “You remember that time we all went to that music festival? We camped in that old large tent Kyle’s dad had bought from the army.” He recalled enthusiastically.

She nodded. “The camping thing sucked big time. I’m still not that big on living in a tent but the music rocked. Remember that one night? When a bunch of drunken people danced right through our army tent?”

He grinned. “They came in one side and straight out the other out. And we all looked up for just one second and went right back to sleep because we were completely worn-out.”

Maria laughed at the memory. “Yeah. And the morning after we all thought we had dreamt the whole moment. Until we realized that we had all had the same dream.”

She paused for a moment. “Actually it would be a lot of fun to go again. With everyone of course.”

Michael took a sip of his beer and nodded at her suggestion. “You can count me in. But not immediately though. Maybe at the end of the year or something like that?”

“You’re on.”

“But I want to be with all of you guys. I’m not interested in a separate spot with all the handicapped people.” He insisted. “You know, at a lot of festivals you can see they’ve got a special platform where the handicapped ones can sit and watch the show. They have a better view over there. Well, I tell you this, I’m not going to sit there.”

She frowned. “I understand what you’re saying but I don’t know if that’s gonna work out. You can turn it over however much you want but it will stay the same in the end, you have a handicap, Michael. You can’t…”

“Restriction,” he corrected her. “I’ve got a restriction, not a handicap.”

“As you wish.” Maria started giggling. First silently and then harder till she couldn’t recover anymore.

“Hey. You’re laughing at me. You laugh outright at a handicapped man.

“Handicapped? Two seconds ago you had just a restriction. Things change very fast with you.”

Michael threw a pillow in her direction. They pushed each other playfully and tossed the pillows at each other. They got a little too much into it and lost their balance. With a yell from Maria, they tumbled off the couch. Michael instinctively tried to break Maria’s fall with his body. Pulling her close with one arm.

Lying on the floor, with her above him, he kept his hold on her. With his other hand he softly tucked an escaped curl of hair behind her ear. Their breath caught and they gazed at each other with wide eyes. Completely astonished by the power of attraction between them.

Afterwards, they couldn’t say who had made the first move. But somehow their lips found each other. It was hesitant at first, but it grew more passionate and heated. They completely lost themselves in each other. Their tongues tangled in a greedy give-and-take.

Their hands started roving each other’s body. Exploring it, determined to learn every curve of it. Maria slid her hand in his hair, pulling him even more close to her body while Michael let his fingers roam till they were underneath Maria’s tank top.

And then, completely unexpected Michael backed off. As if the touch of her naked skin had burned him.

“Sorry” His rusty voice broke the silence.

His words worked like a cold shower. But she couldn’t react. Maria was still in a state of shock. Not completely aware of the fact she had just made out with her best friend. And while she was recovering, she literally saw him do what he used to do when somebody got to close. He ran. Or back away as quickly as he could.

Speechlessly she watched at him trying to lift himself back on the couch. Bit by bit. Though it wore him out, he persisted stiffening his jaw in concentration. It was awkward to watch. But she knew it was out of the question to help him.

When he finally maneuvered his body onto the couch, Maria opened her mouth. Before she could call his name though, he stopped her. Keeping his head down, Michael closed his eyes. “If it’s all the same to you, Maria, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

To his surprise she kept her mouth shut. She could feel her body shaking from emotion.
Love, happiness, disappointment, and finally anger. It was all there.

He looked at her uneasily. She was still sitting where he had left her. She was so beautiful. Even now, her face flushed from the kiss they had shared. Her jaws clutched to contain the emotions inside. “Oh, Maria,” he thought, “what have I done?”

Eventually her silence creped him out.

“Are you angry?” he snapped at last.

“Yes. No.” She yelled. “I don’t know,” She finally mumbled.

“Which is it?” He asked, sounding rougher then he wanted. Somehow he just couldn’t control his voice anymore. As if his feelings had taken over. Completely.

“Yes for the running part, no for the kissing. Like my answer?” she replied, matching his harsh tone.

Startled he gazed away. Not knowing how he had to respond. Not knowing how he could get them both out this mess they created. Her honesty had shocked him to his core. She didn’t regret kissing him.

After what seemed to be an eternity, it was Maria who started talking. Just like usual. “Michael?”

He blinked and looked up.

“Yeah?” She could hear the hesitation in his tone.

“What are we going to do?”

Her simple question was asked with so much emotion, he couldn’t resist looking at her. Her eyes bright in the darkened room. They searched his.

Michael swallowed. He knew he wasn’t good with finding the right words. But she deserved an answer. An honest one. So he tried.

“I really don’t have any clue. I really don’t.” She could hear him looking for words to express what was going on in his mind.

He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “My first impulse was to forget what happened. All of it. You know, to run from it as far as I could. So I didn’t have to think about it.”

Quietly she asked “And your second?”

He exhaled loudly. “There wasn’t a second… Sorry.”

She sat still, lost in thought. Her green eyes looked at the ground before her. He could see tears glitter in them. Though she tried to hold them back, they rolled down her cheeks after a while.

Helplessly he slapped his hand on the arm-rest. The sound startled her.

After what felt like an eternity, he turned her question back on her. “And you, Maria, what’s your feeling?”

She mustered her courage and lifted her head up, to look at him right in his face. “I would try it.”

“Try what? A relationship?” Disbelief echoed in his voice.

“Why not? We’re good together, Michael. It feels so damn good. On every level. I know you feel it too. Just give us a chance, will you? Just try it. Step by step. We’ll see how it turns out. At least we gave it a try. Besides, what can go wrong? We like…”

Michael interrupted her. “That’s what freaks me out. I can’t act on my feelings and destroy our friendship.” He paused and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s all I have, you know. Those last months, when I was under the weather, you were my only ray of light. I can’t jeopardize that. I can’t afford to loose you. I just can’t. But, but on the other hand… You’re right. It did feel amazing. The two of us…”

His last words gave her hope. In all those years it was the first time she saw him struggle over their friendship like this. But she understood him. Slowly she came closer.

“I understand what you’re saying. I really do, Michael. But have a little faith in me.” She amended “Have faith in us. I’m not going to walk away. I promise. Even if this turns out to be a bad idea.”

Maria leaned closer to him, taking his hand in her own.

“If you don’t want this, you’ll just have to stop me.” She whispered. Then pressed her lips gently against his. She tried to convey all the love and affection for him in the kiss.

It didn’t take long. Michael growled and pulled her back into his arms. Placing a kiss against her temples. “What did I do to deserve someone like you?” He asked rhetorically.

He quickly reclaimed her mouth with his own. And this time it was no accident. This kiss held every shred of passion, love and emotion they both felt for each other.

This night was theirs. No questions, no doubts, no fear. The world outside the living room could wait.

Chapter seven



You're almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

K’s Choice – Almost happy



A month later – New Years’ Eve


Michael caught his reflection in the mirror. It was odd to see himself sitting in his wheel chair. He was never an idle guy. More or less the opposite actually. Normally he didn’t give a damn how he looked like. On a normal day he was happy if he found some clean clothes, not even caring if they matched.

But today he glued himself to the mirror, like the freaking thing could answer all of his questions. Feeling tense, he looked at the reflection of his wheel chair in the mirror. The metal ruthlessly glittered in his face.

Though he would never admit it out loud, and maybe even not to himself, he was scared.
Tonight he was going out with his friends to a New Years party in town.

His first time out after his accident. The first step back in his old world.

The world... To be honest, he hated the world and he had the feeling it was mutual. The only good thing that came out of it, were his closest friends. The rest was just screwed up.
It started at an early age. His parents, God only knows who they were, had abandoned him. Just like that. Like a random piece of garbage. And that’s the way he felt for a long time: garbage. Even now, he had a hard time believing he was worthy.

As a little boy, he had been unsociable, a loner. He never trusted people and kept everybody at a distance. So nobody had looked further than his outside stone wall. Due to his strange and distant conduct, he was never adopted and was taken into welfare. To end up with Hank, the worst foster parent ever. And with his heartless and abusive behavior Hank reinforced every negative feeling Michael had about himself.

Another thing he despised about the world was the fact that everywhere he went he got labeled: the social case, the poor one, the one from the wrong side of the track, the lost case, the loner, the rebel,… and now also the handicapped one.

“Damn,” he cursed inarticulately.

He was startled from his dark thoughts by the door bell. From afar he could hear Max shout: “I’ll get it!”

Instinctive he glanced at the clock. “Eight o’ clock: that’ll be Maria.”

Maria… The last four weeks had flown. Just like a dream. After his discharge from the Center he had seen her almost daily, either alone or with their friends. But to his joy mostly without them.

Slowly and tenderly she had broken through his stone wall. It hadn’t been that difficult for her anyway. Maria took already a big part of his heart. They always had been best friends. To his surprise, it had always clicked between them. And now more then ever. They had both dropped their defenses. Instead of tackling each other over every minor word or gesture, they had found mutual understanding. And since they had kissed, also love.

The kiss – He had really doubted it. Well, ‘had’, maybe that was the wrong choice of words. He still had some doubts. On one hand he was happy they both risked the jump. He liked Maria a lot. He felt at home with her. And if he hadn’t been in a car crash with all the consequences attached, he wouldn’t have questioned his relationship with Maria. Oh no, the opposite actually… But now?

Michael still had the feeling something was wrong. Something didn’t feel right. It felt like it was too good to be true. And how could they take the next step? In his eyes a relationship was more then kissing and hugging. Would sex work? Would he be able to give her that kind of pleasure? And what about the future? Had he the right to mortgage the life of such a dynamic and unbelievably sweet girl as Maria with his handicap? Maria would be a hell of a mom. But, would he be a good father? With the baggage Hank left him in addition to his wheelchair? Above all, would he be able to have children now? So many questions.

“Hey Guerin, the mirror will crack if you keep staring at it!” Alex’s voice interrupted the merry-go-round in his head as he peeped round the corner. “Are you coming? We’re all in the living room waiting for Kyle and Tess. They’re late, as usual. I hope they’ll hurry up. The girls wanna play a game before we go party.”

Michael nodded and followed him. In the hallway they met Max who was on his way to open the front door. “Hey, you two, at last, some guys to the rescue! Our girls are getting completely out of the control.” He pointed at the door of the living room to reinforce his words.

And indeed, when Alex and Michael stepped into the living room, it was a joyful chaos. They chuckled at what they saw. The Evans were away for the evening and while the cat’s away… The stereo, usually turned down low, was blasting full force. Mrs. Evans’ preferred easy listening radio station was now playing loud, pounding rock.

Isabel, Maria and Liz set the table with snacks and board games while dancing and whirling on the music. They were completely living the moment to the fullest.

When he saw her dancing, Alex immediately moved towards Isabel doing all kinds of hilarious moves at the same time. When Alex, the clown, reached his graceful Isabel; he pulled her by the wrist and started to rock-and-roll with her. Isabel’s laugh filled the room as Alex spun her around.

“What do you all want to drink?” Liz’s voice sounded over the music.

“Beer, of course! Do you have to ask?” Kyle’s spontaneous answer pulled the attention of the others to the newcomers.

The laugh on Maria’s mouth widened when she spotted Michael. She swiftly wiped her hands on her bright and colorful dress and headed towards him. Michael quickly pushed his doubts to the corner of his mind. With a pull on his wheels, he started rolling towards her.

“Hi gorgeous!”

Maria blushed and kissed him on the mouth “That’s me!”

Before she could take another step, he hauled her on his lap to deepen his kiss.

“Hey, get a room!”

“Somebody wants to get laid tonight!”

Max and Kyle joked around while Alex whistled on his fingers.

“Oh! They’re just jealous ‘cause I’ve got the prettiest girl tonight!”

Tess slapped Michael’s shoulder. “Oh, it’s not your fault your vision got handicapped too!”

The girls roared with laughter. But before anyone could respond to Tess’s comment, Max butted in. “Before this starts World War III I suggest we start playing.”

He clapped his hands with “Come on, kids, let’s start!”, he pulled his most severe look on his face and grabbed the handles of Michael’s wheel chair. Without waiting for a reaction, he pushed Michael and Maria to the table.

Isabel dimmed the music and they all gathered around.

“Girls, made up your mind yet? Which game will it be?” Max asked. “We got monopoly-”

“No way, I’ve got bad memories of that one!” Michael snapped.

Without even looking at Michael, Max proceeded. “Pictionary-”

“Out of the question! Michael can draw pictures with his eyes closed.” Now it was Kyle’s turn to react.

“Are you guys ‘the girls’? ‘Cause if you ask me you’re not the ones wearing a skirt.” Max pointed out impatiently.

“Have you seen my legs in a skirt?”

“Gross, Kyle, the thought alone!” Maria shook her head in laughter. They all laughed now.

“Game of the Goose?”

“Too childish!” (Isabel)

“Trivial Pursuit?”

“Boring!” (Maria)

“The Game of Life?”

“No way!” (Liz)

“Hey, anyone another idea?”

“Well, since I’m the only ‘girlfriend’ left, maybe I can help out.” Alex pointed out, a grin on his face.

“Last month I found a new game on the net and I bought it. It’s called ‘Carcassonne’. The game board is a medieval landscape built by the players as the game progresses. The game starts with a single terrain tile face up and seventy-one others shuffled face down for the players to draw from. On each turn a player draws a new terrain tile and places it adjacent to tiles that are already face up. The new tile must be placed in a way that extends features on the tiles it abuts: roads must connect to roads, fields to fields, and cities to cities. You can go in any direction you want to go. And you can place followers on tiles to claim property. The game ends when the last tile has been placed. Every claimed property gets a score and the one with the most points wins the game.”

“Sounds complicated.” Maria said doubtfully.

“Nah!”

Max as. “Well, Whitman, I suppose you have it with you?”

Alex nodded. “It’s in the car.”

“Please, go and get it if we still want to play something before going out.”

Fifteen minutes later everybody was engrossed boarding in the game. They had chosen to play individually rather than in teams and as usual, it lead to playful rivalry.

Everybody had their own style. Kyle and Isabel were born competitors and they both played to win. Max, Tess and Alex were typical strategists. Liz hesitated with every single piece. And Maria and Michael just played as spontaneous and impulsive as they were in real life.

They yelled, gestured, called each others ‘cheaters’ and had fun.

They totally forgot track of time until Liz caught sight of the clock.

“Guys, it’s already past ten o’clock. If we want to celebrate New Years at the party we have to start moving soon.

“Sore loser,” Kyle teased.

“She’s right, you know.” Max added. “We should start getting ready.”

The others nodded in agreement but Kyle wasn’t convinced yet. When he was playing sports or games, he always got completely engrossed with it. The child within always popped up at that moment.

“Can anybody give me a good reason?”

Tess answered right away. “Of course, sweetheart. I’ll buy you a beer and the first slow dance is yours. And the sooner we go, they sooner we can return and… then we could do some other stuff? Fun stuff? Like in our bed?”

With a charm offensive like that, Kyle gave up and took Tess in his arms. “Well, if you put it like that.”

Everybody laughed at the interaction between Tess and Kyle.

They worked together and the living room was cleaned and swiftly returned to its original state. And after a run to the ladies room, they were ready to go. Because each couple had other plans for after the party, they all drove separately.

****

“Michael, what’s up?” Maria’s voice broke the silence in the car.

“Nothing.” He shrugged.

“Don’t give me ‘nothing’. You lost a game and you didn’t even flinch. That’s so not you. So again, what’s wrong?”

“I said ‘othing.” She saw him clenching his jaw, the irritation written all over his face.

Maria didn’t back down. “Is it about the party? Going out for the first time after the accident?”

Stubbornly, Michael held his tongue. He avoided looking at her. Damn, she was persistent. And too clever for her own good, he thought. But he didn’t want to admit she was right.

“Am I gonna have to drag it out of you?”

“Goddamit, Maria! Yes, you’re right. And no, I don’t want to talk about it. Just drop it and let me be.” He barked. “Please?”

“You’re lucky we’re here.” Maria said while parking her car next to Max’s.

“Lucky?” he muttered.

But Maria ignored him. And got out the car. With the help of Max, she pulled his chair out the trunk.

Michael took a deep breath before unbuckling his belt. After a short hesitation he prepared to lift himself in the wheel chair.

Max immediately noticed his internal struggle. “If you don’t wanna go in, you have to say it. It’s no problem. We’ll do something else instead.” He watched Michael closely and waited his response.

“No, it’s good.” Michael shook his head. “I have to do this. I can’t stay at home my whole life.”

Max nodded.

At last Michael gave the ok signal they made their way inside.

Chapter eight



But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

Radiohead - Creep



The group of eight friends entered the party together.

The noise of the crowd and the music pounding loudly through large speakers grabbed them when they walked in. A few heads turned to the newcomers but most of the people partied further on.

They tried to cross the room, but it wasn't easy. The crowd was large and pressing together tightly. The difference in heights between Michael and the rest of the crowd counted against him. Most of the people didn't notice him sitting in his wheel chair; others looked very accusatory in the direction of his chair - like the damn thing was the problem they couldn't move properly.

Finally they found a place large enough for them to stand together. The girls immediately threw themselves on the nearby dance floor. Alex joined them and, like always, went completely crazy moving to the music. He was the only one who called his moving dancing though.

The girls were more natural dancers, though in Michael's opinion Maria was the best. He watched her whirling around with a natural grace and feel for the rhythm. Her blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders. With her eyes closed she turned around, circling on the dance floor. Her moves blended completely in with the song. As if she became one with the music.

"Hey Michael, you want something to drink?" Max's asked, his voice snapping Michael out his daze.

"What?" he asked scattered. Not willing to let go, he kept staring at 'his' Maria on the dance floor.

Grinning Max shook his head while he looked at his best friend. "It's like you're seeing her for the first time. And she's been your best friend for over what? Seven or eight years?"

"I know. I know. But then she was just… I don't know. She was just Maria. Plain, simple, annoying Maria."

"Dude, Maria was never plain and simple." Kyle smirked. He started counting on his fingers. "Annoying? Yes! Spirited? Yes! Furious? Yes! Weird? Definitely! Do I have to continue?"

To his own surprise Michael continued Kyle's list. "She's also carrying, sweet, extremely beautiful, loving, passionate…"

"Oh boy, you hit the jackpot!" Kyle and Max laughed out loud now and started teasing him mercilessly.

"Can we try her out once?"

"Is she a great kisser too?"

"She sounds too good for a loser like you. Let's find her a better boyfriend, man. Guerin, what do you think about that one?" Kyle pointed to a handsome guy who was dancing towards Maria.

To his friend's shock, Michael exploded. He turned his wheel chair furiously without caring if he hit somebody in the process. And without saying another word, he took off. His body language radiated anger.

"Holy shit, what did I do? I was just joking.." Kyle questioned, shrugging his shoulders.

"Don't worry! I'll get him before Maria kills you." Max patted his shoulder.

"Would she?" Maria's possible fury seized Kyle with alarm.

"What do you think?" Max said with a straight face, trying to hide the amusement he felt.

"Go get him! Hurry!" Kyle was panicking now.

Shaking his head in laughter Max moved in the direction Michael had disappeared. The crowd made it difficult to track him down but he was persistent and kept moving through the room.

"Incredible," he thought. His friends still acted the same as they were kids. Kyle the teaser, Michael grumpy and edgy and he himself always got stuck in between as some sort of peacekeeper. Just like now.

Eventually he found Michael on the other side of the room.

"Hey, Michael, come on. Why do you let Kyle under your skin like that? He didn't mean what he was saying. You know that. You know Kyle better than that."

Between his teeth Michael mumbled. "But he was right."

The loud music had drowned Michael's response. "What'd you say?" Max yelled.

"Nothing." He didn't convince either of them though.

But Max also knew it was no use pressing the matter. It wouldn't get him an inch further. There was even a chance the whole thing would turn on him. So he let Michael off but not without persuading him to rejoin the others.

"Come on; let's go back to the others. And for God's sake, change the look on your face. You look like you're at a funeral instead of a New Year's party enjoying yourself with your best friends. If not for you, do it for Maria." Max looked at him to see if his remark penetrated his headstrong friend's thick head.

As a response Max got a completely fake grin from Michael. As if he was saying "I'm laughing. Happy now?"

Grinning Max patted Michael's shoulder. "Come on, happy boy, let's fetch ourselves some drinks."

Max made his way back to the group's spot. He refused to watch if Michael would follow but from the reaction of the people round him, he knew Michael did. To his surprise he heard some very blunt remarks from people he passed who didn't seem to care if Michael could hear them or not.

"Watch out! Let the poor thing through!"

"Make some space for the cripple!"

"What a pity, such a young guy!"

Max clenched his fists against his body, forcing himself not to hit anybody out of anger. He was beginning to understand what had gotten in to Michael. If he constantly had to listen to those kind of remarks, he would freak over an innocent joke too. Even if it came from a friend.

When they returned to their spot next to the dance floor, the girls were still dancing. Luckily they hadn't noticed a thing.

Kyle on the other hand looked nervously towards Michael. Though Michael was still bad tempered, he wanted to reassure his friend and he simply nodded.

Kyle heaved a sigh out of relief. And because he wanted to make up for his remark, he started taking orders to get everybody a drink.

Ultimately he ended up with Michael of all people at the bar to order their drinks. Michael was supposed to carry the tray back while Kyle would push the wheel chair. Needless to say it was an arrangement sort out by Maria DeLuca.

Kyle had tried to persuade Maria that he was completely capable of getting the drinks on his own. But Michael had shaken his head, saying "Don't think you're going to win this from Maria, Valenti. Come on, let's do this together and get it over with."

Unfortunately Michael and Kyle heard some people talk, while they waited at the bar. Two girls they both knew from West Roswell High were gossiping together. Not carrying who could hear them talk.

"Did you see Maria DeLuca? She really can do better than that Michael Guerin guy."

"Indeed, how can you love a social case in a wheel chair? He'll always be dependant on her."

"Not only that. What kind of future are they going to have? What can he possibly offer her?"

"A trailer at the trailer park?"

Kyle looked at the face of his friend, paling more by the minute. Michael had heard everything those stupid women had said. Luckily the two girls walked away before they could pound on Michael's heart any further.

"They're just cruel because they are lonely and jealous of anyone who's got a relation, you know." Kyle said, trying to cheer Michael up.

"They're not cruel, just honest." Michael grumbled in defeat.

"No way!"

"Valenti, thanks for defending me but they are. Believe me. They just said out loud what's going through mine and everybody else's mind." He barked. "And now give me that freaking tray and start moving."

After delivering the drinks to the others, Michael sat suspiciously quiet, staring at the floor. His face looked grumpy, his lips pressed against each other.

"Are you alright?" Maria asked, worried.

"Don't baby me!" he yelled at her.

"Hey! Who bit you?"

"Sorry, I'm just tired, I think. It's been a long day." He apologized. He tried smiling to her in an effort to soothe her. But his smile didn't reach his eyes.

Maria didn't believe for a second what he was saying. Michael had always had an endless amount of energy. He couldn't be that tired at this hour of the day. Besides she could see something else shimmer in his eyes. But she didn't want to bother about it. Not that night. It was New Years' Eve for crying out loud. This was supposed to be a moment of fun and laughter.

Michael bluntly interfered her thoughts. "Can we just go home?"

She looked at her watch and stated "Michael, it's almost New Year. In twenty minutes they will start the countdown. You can forget going home before that, pally. I'll drive you to whatever you want to go afterwards. But for now, let's party!" And with that she left him alone.

Until the DJ started to play a slow dance. At that moment everybody hurried to the dance floor, grabbing their loved ones as they went.

Maria looked at Michael and offered him a hand to lead him to the dance floor. One way or the other she would find a way to slow dance with him. And to relax him in the same time.

But he shook his head and pulled his hand free, and backed away. Disappointment appeared on Maria's face but Michael refused to give in. And when another guy eventually came to ask her to dance, she agreed. Just to annoy Michael.

And it worked. From his spot, he jealously glared at Maria and her dance partner. Although he had refused to dance with her, Michael hated seeing her in the arms of somebody else.

After a couple of minutes he couldn't watch it anymore and he left. Without saying good-bye.

Chapter nine



But if you love me
with all of your heart
There's no need to worry
why do you have to make it so hard?

Arid - Silent reproach



Breathless and worried Maria made her way outside. Her eyes quickly scanned the dark and lonely streets around. But she didn't find what she was looking for. There wasn't a glimpse of Michael.

He was really gone.

"Damn!" She cursed inarticulately. "Stupid jack-ass! Where did you go?"

Maria knew it would be insane to pursue him on foot. First of all, she didn't know which direction he was heading. "Hell, would he know it himself?" she wondered. Secondly he had become really skilled at using his wheel chair. The thing went faster then a man could walk..

So Maria didn't waste time, she hurried to her car and jumped in.

With grim determination she drove through town, street by street.

At last she noticed the lonely figure of the man and his wheel chair fleeing through the streets of Roswell, like the devil himself was chasing him.

Michael.

She clenched her teeth together, trying to keep herself in control. After she drove passed him she pressed on her brakes and skidded to a halt right in front of him, stopping him right in his tracks. The headlights of her car blinded him. Within the second he turned around but before he could make another move, her loud voice startled him through her open window.

"Michael Guerin! Don't you dare walk away from me!"

He flinched.

Maria jumped out of her car and approached him.

"Michael Guerin," she stated, emphasizing every syllable of his name, "There's something wrong. Big time! So don't even try to deny it." Her voice sounded sinister.

He took a deep breath. "Maria…" Michael knew he couldn't escape her anymore. Not this time.

"Maria," he said again, assertively. " I think we have to talk."

Maria narrowed her eyes. "You do, do you?" Her sarcasm was tangible. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently, making it very clear to him that he couldn't mess around.

She tried to look him right in the eyes but he avoided her, staring at the sidewalk instead. His hands fidgeted nervously in his lap. The seconds ticked away. Time seemed endless.

Eventually his strained voice broke the silence. "I lied, Maria."

Of all the things he could have said, Maria hadn't expected this. Not grasping the meaning of his words, she scowled.

Michael turned his head and looked her in the eyes. His gaze showed his vulnerability, the hurt within. She knew at that moment it wouldn't be a pleasant conversation.

"I told you I had turned a switch in my head. I told you I gave my accident a place in my mind. Well, I lied. I lied to you, to myself, to everybody."

He swallowed deeply and suddenly, like a river bursting its banks, the words tumbled from his mouth.

"This," he said, gesturing angrily to the chair he was sitting in, "is hell for me! I absolutely can't put up with the fact that I'm stuck in the freakin' thing! And I can't put up with the fact that I can't do anything alone anymore. That these stupid legs of mine won't cooperate. That I can't do the most simple things in my fucked up life! I can't do it! I really can't, Maria!"

Maria could clearly hear the frustration in his voice.

"Do you know how I feel?" he asked her.

He didn't wait for her answer though. He just ranted on. "I feel like half a man. An incomplete man who's chained to a rolling prison. An incomplete man who isn't worthy of having a girlfriend. What do I say? Who can't even have a girlfriend!"

The words crushed Maria's heart. They were completely and totally out of the blue.

Stunned she stared at him, as if she could not believe what he had just yelled at her. She opened her mouth to reply but no sound came from her lips. Her mouth couldn't find the words she was looking for.

The sudden silence calmed Michael a little. He closed his eyes and spoke in a softer voice. "We can't do this, Maria… I can't do it."

"Then you can tell me why not." Maria spoke in a calm voice but it radiated pure rage and fury. "Because I love you, Michael Guerin. I love you with all of my heart! And I'm one hundred per cent sure that the feeling is mutual."

She looked at him questioningly, awaiting his response.

"That doesn't matter!" he barked out. In frustration he banged his hands on to the supports of his chair.

But Maria didn't flinch.

Her calmness forgotten, she yelled at him. "Goddamned, Michael! It does matter! It's all that matters!"

Tormented, he gazed at her. "Maria, look, we can't start something right now."

"In case you didn't notice, we've already started," Maria pointed out, her voice still sounding loud in the lonely and dark street.

Softly he mumbled. "Fuck, Maria, I'm sitting in a freaking wheel chair! I can't offer you a thing. I'm a nothing, a miserable loser, a worthless piece of shit. I can't even dance with you at a party-"

"Is that what's bothering you? 'Cause you can stop it right there, mister. I know you're in that wheel chair. From the start, we fuckin' both knew it."

Maria hunkered down to be on the same level as Michael. She deliberately made eye contact, trying to show every shred of emotion she had to him. To convince him he was wrong. That in her opinion, he was everything.

"Let me tell you something, Michael. I don't give a fuck if you're in or out that stupid thing. I wouldn't care even if you were blind, deaf or completely wrapped in cloth like a mummy. It really doesn't matter to me. I love you, Michael, not your chair. And all the other bullshit can vanish in thin air for all I care."

Maria could see he didn't like her answer. That he didn't agree with what she was saying.

His forehead wrinkled, frowning he shook his head. "You say that now, Maria. You're young and full of energy. But as long as I can't build my own life properly, I'm worthless. Incomplete. And I can't and won't do that to you. You deserve somebody better than me."

Sadness sounded in his last words. It made her even more stubborn.

"What I deserve or don't deserve, is not for you to choose. It's my decision, and my decision only, Michael."

He looked at her bitterly. "Not if I have anything to do with it!"

He lifted his right hand to scratch his eyebrow with his thumb. Maria could see he was trying to search the words to express his feelings.

"Look, call me old fashioned if you want to, but in my eyes a relationship contains two equal partners. And at this moment, I'm definitely not one of them. I'm only worthy of you, if I feel like I'm an equal, complete man. A man with a stable future. A man who can give you whatever you deserve. A man who can take care of you and not the other way around. A man who can fuckin' sleep with you and make love to you until you only see the stars. Don't look at me like that! This is the fuckin' reality, Ria! I love you and I can't even make love to you. Isn't that fantastic!"

His sarcasm bit.

Different kind of emotions pushed each other away in Maria's mind. She boiled with rage. But at the same time an incredible powerlessness boxed her ears. Every single word he said had hit her with an unknown force. She had to clench her teeth together to prevent screaming. Or to knock some sense in his stubborn head.

At last she turned her head in the opposite direction. One tear slipped away from the corner of her eye. Swiftly she swept it away with the palm of her hand.

"Oh, Maria, please understand." Michael was begging now. "Let me just be your friend. Nothing more. Not right now, anyway. I'm really sorry."

"One month." She whispered the words. "One fucking month. Twelve year olds have longer romances!"

"But we are still friends. Aren't we?" he tried.

Maria maintained a stony silence. Tears sprung out of her eyes. She felt she couldn't stop them anymore. Shameless she let them run over her face.

"Maria?" She could hear the despair in his words.

"Maria?" Michael tried again.

"I - I don't know if I can do that." Her voice broke.

"But you promised!" Disappointment echoed in his words.

Pissed off she replied. "And who promised to give us a chance, Michael? Who did that? Tell me! One stupid party, one lousy evening where things don't go smoothly and what do you do? You run. Well, thank you very much!" she spit out.

"So, that's it? Is this the end?" He provoked her.

Helplessly she kept her mouth shut. His emotionless voice had broken her completely.

Michael nodded to himself. As if her silence confirmed his thoughts. And without saying another word, he turned and started wheeling his chair to disappear into the dark streets of Roswell.

Maria kept staring at him. The pain in her heart shown on her face.

"Happy New Year to you too, Michael." She mumbled while she watched him disappear from view.

Chapter ten


Don't need to scream
Don't need to cry out
Don't need to tell you why
Don't like good byes

Tom Helsen - Night and day



What do you do if you, metaphorically, just got slapped in the face by the man you love? If the love of your life kicked you out the door because he felt inferior? Difficult questions - Certainly if there's still love in the game, on both sides.

After the disaster on New Year, Maria kept herself in the background. Out of self preservation she created a distance between Michael and herself. She found it better not to see him for a while instead of being constantly reminded to the feeling of powerlessness that surrounded her every time she saw him.

In her vision there were two people needed to start a relationship. And if one of them didn't want to cooperate, the other one just stood with her back to the wall. Even if that person didn't want to. And that's how she felt. Completely stuck. Jammed.

Unfortunately Maria's avoidance provoked a reaction in Michael. In his eyes he had sacrified their love to do the right thing. To protect her, to set her free so she could live happily ever after. Something he thought she could never be if she stayed with him. 'Cause he wasn't happy either.

In his naïve thinking he had thought he had done them both a favor. Not caring how hard the decision had been for him. And how awful and lonely he felt afterwards.

Therefore Maria's silence was a punch in his face. A punch he could hardly take. First it made him disappointed, then angry and finally furious. In the end he projected every bad thought and frustration on Maria. It was his way of dealing with it. Of getting his feelings back in control. And it was also the easiest way to ignore Maria with an unseen stubbornness.

In the past Michael had always been very pig-headed. If something got stuck in his head, it wasn't easy to persuade him differently. And in this case he became the height of stubbornness.

The next two months became a string of icy silences and awkward moments. And in the small group of friends it affected everyone. Every meeting leaded to problems and discomfort.

Michael ignored Maria completely, he was blunt and rude. He didn't care. Or he didn't seem to care. Even weeks later, when she greeted in a friendly manner, he didn't react. He just acted as if she wasn't there.

She tried to phone him, talk to him but whatever she did, it got her nowhere near him.

All their friends stayed on the sideline, watching, teeth clenched and helpless. Nobody volunteered to interfere. Nobody dared to risk themselves in the cross fire.

Michael's face spoke for itself and frightened everybody. "Mind your own fucking business" was written in big letters all over his grumpy face.

Eventually it was Isabel who took the first step. She just couldn't watch it anymore.

"Guys, we have to do something."

Max, Kyle, Alex and Isabel were sitting in a booth in the Crashdown when Isabel spoke the words out loud. One look on her face and they could all see she was very serious.

Max chuckled inside although his heart tightened at the same time. He loved his sister but when something got stuck in her head, she could pull off a 'Michael' anytime. A pit-bull couldn't beat her.

Because he knew he couldn't flee her, he responded lazily. "And what do we have to do something about?"

Isabel could have shaken her calm brother in frustration. Luckily she could keep it in.

So patiently she explained. "Well, about the situation between Michael and Maria."

Kyle raised his eyebrow. "And what does her highness wants us to do?"

Isabel didn't pay attention to Kyle's teasing. "Well, I was thinking; if Liz or I could talk to Maria, then you three can chat with Michael. While watching a hockey game or whatever."

"How, how… could you repeat that again?" Alex's voice revealed that they had understood her properly but that they didn't like what they were being told to do.

Isabel repeated "Well see, if I go to Maria -"

"No, no, the other part. The thing about Michael."

"Well, invite him. Go out. And when you're drinking a beer, start talking about Maria and his attitude towards her."

"No way," came the answer simultaneously from the three guys.

Isabel could see she would end up nowhere if she didn't change her approach. So she tried to convince them one by one.

First she turned to Alex. She put on a loving face and kept looking at him. Forcing him to give in.

"Isabel, no way! You know I love you and I would do everything to please you but you can forget this one. Talking to Michael about his love life is like a suicide-thing. And if it's ok with you, I'd like to live a couple years more."

Next she tried Max. She knew too well her puppy-dog face look was irresistible to him. In the past he had never been able to refuse her anything when she looked at him like that.

"No, no, don't look at me for this one. I can tell you right now what's going to happen. Michael will notice it the minute I say the word 'feelings' or 'Maria'. I'll just end up giving him a lecture and he will storm off, smashing the doors in the process. And he will shut himself off, even more than he is right now."

"Besides, Isabel, guys don't talk about their feelings." Kyle added.

He then scratched his head and corrected himself. "Well, maybe Bill and Ted over here," he jerked his thumb at Max and Alex. "No offence, guys, but you're both wusses."

He continued on before the guys could protest. "Guys aren't like chicks. Do you know what real guys talk about?" He didn't give her a chance to answer. "Well, I'll tell you: sports, booze and women. That cliché, that plain and simple."

Max took pity when he noticed Isabel's disappointed and stunned face. "Come on, Izzy, you know what? We'll take care of Michael. We'll see he has a good time and that he hasn't got time to pity himself. We'll take him out, keep him busy. We'll take him to the party that's on next Saturday. Things like that."

Kyle nodded. "In mean time you can do your chit-chat with Maria and everything will turn out just fine."

And for once, Isabel couldn't do more than nod, completely staggered by the male logic of the three friends.


****


"I tried everything, Liz, he's just so stubborn, he doesn't react to anything. I'm pretty sure if I walked by naked, he wouldn't even notice." Maria changed her cellphone from one ear to the other and tucked a stray curl back behind her left ear.

"And by the way, this time it's his -" She jumped, startled by an unexpected sound at the front door.

"Hey, Lizzie, hold on a sec. There's somebody ringing at my door."

With her phone clutched between her shoulder and head, she opened the front door. On her porch she found Isabel Evans.

"Isabel? Is there something wrong with Michael?" Maria asked frightened, looking at the girl's severe face.

"Something wrong with Michael? Well, you could say so. And with you too if you ask me. Can we talk?"

Perplexed Maria gestured for her to come in. At the same time she ended her conversation with Liz.

"Hey chica, can I call you back? Ok. See you later. Bye, Liz."

Isabel got directly to the point, the minute she walked in the DeLuca's living room. "Maria, I don't have to know what went wrong between Michael and you. And honestly, I don't want to know. But the question is: what you gonna do about it?"

"Do about it?" Maria's voice sounded frustrated while she automatically repeated Isabel's last words. "What am I gonna do about it?"

"Tell me, Isabel, how would you plan something like that? I know Michael is like a brother to you, but Michael can be a real…"

Carefully Maria searched for the right words. She didn't want to offend Isabel, but she wanted to say what troubled her.

"Pain in the ass. I know."

Maria giggled at Isabel spontaneous answer. "It's not exactly the word I was looking for but you got it close."

She turned serious again and continued. "Look, Isabel, I'll tell you what went wrong. It's no secret. I'm surprised Michael didn't tell you. But then again, it's Michael we're talking about."

Thinking back on Kyle's words Isabel leaned her head a bit on the right and tried to lighten up the moment with a sarcastic comment. "Boys, huh? They always suck in expressing what they feel unless it's about sex, beer and basketball. I've been told by an expert."

A smile appeared on Maria's face, but just for a second. "That's even an understatement. But at any rate, Michael made an exception on New Years. He was obviously well aware about what was going on in his fucked up mind and for once he hadn't any trouble expressing it out loud. And it wasn't about the subjects you named either. It was about himself. About us."

Maria exhaled deeply before she carried on. "Isabel, Michael has it stuck in his head that he isn't worthy of having me, of loving me. All because of that stupid chair. So, we can't date. The fact we love each other, is totally beside the point and doesn't matter at all."

Maria noticed Isabel's astonished look on her face. "You don't have to look at me that strange. It's not my opinion. These are Michael's words. And then you come waltzing in and ask me what I'm going to do about it…"

"Sorry…" Embarrassed, Isabel closed her eyes for a second.

But Maria went on, like she hadn't heard Isabel. "I really don't know what to do anymore. In the beginning I was too fucked up and pissed off to see him. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but I'm only human, you know. I was so angry with him. I felt so hopeless. Literally with my back against the wall. I knew I had to back off, just for a little while. And when everything calmed down, I tried talking to him. But it was too late. For him anyway. He ignores me like the plague since then."

Isabel nodded to confirm what she heard. "I noticed that. And I'm not the only one."

"Well, yeah, you know Michael. He only thinks in black and white. He doesn't know the color grey. Or, rather, he doesn't want to know it. You're either with him or against him. And I know what I'm talking about. When he was seventeen, back in school, I refused to congratulate him when he asked me to. He never forgave me and didn't speak to me for several months.

"If I recollect it right, wasn't it a love thing?"

Maria nodded in affirmative.

"But how did you get blown away?"

"Michael had a lot of problems at that time with Hank. He got beaten up a few times and each time he ended up at my place. It really wasn't easy. Not to say very rough. At the same moment rich, spoiled Angela got it in that stupid head of hers, that she needed a boyfriend. One from the wrong side of the track. She picked Michael. I knew she was just using him. She didn't want Michael for who he was. She just wanted him as a trophy, an object. Something you can parade with. Of course, Michael didn't believe me. Said I was just jealous. Which I actually was, but that was beside the point. And 'cause I didn't want to give in, he said I was against him. That I didn't want him to be happy. And he just cut me out of his life."

"Can I ask how you fixed it?"

Despite everything Maria's mouth flickered in a ghost of a smile. "Yeah, sure, you can ask. But I have to disappoint you. I don't know the answer. You could say that the fact that Michael eventually realized I had been right all along, did it. But it still took me a lot of time, energy and effort to get things back to normal. And what did eventually turn the scale? With the best will in the world I can't answer that. You'd have to ask Michael that one. If he knows it himself, that is."

Maria rubbed her face. "But now it's even more complicated. In those days we were just friends, now we are lovers. Well, were."

"Maybe it can make it easier too." Isabel suggested.

"Who knows, who knows…"

Emotional and touched she covered her eyes with her hands.

"But this time he can make the first move. I can tell you that, Isabel. I can't keep talking to a stone wall. I always say I'm Teflon but it actually hurts like hell to see him ignoring me. I wish I could smack his big, stupid, -

"You still love him a lot, don't you?" Isabel asked quietly.

Maria nodded, unable to say a thing. A couple of tears started rolling over her cheeks. And although Isabel wasn't her closest friend, she pulled Maria close.

Chapter eleven


Sometimes everything seems awkward and large
Imagine a Wednesday evening in March
Future and past, at the same time
I make use of the night, start drinking a lot
Although not ideal, for now it's all that I've got

Milow - You Don't Know



"You're allowed to miss her, you know."

Michael was startled by the voice. Somebody bent over him and he backed away instinctively.

He had been so lost in his thoughts that it took him a moment to remember where he was. Slowly he noticed the spot lights and the disco bar. The dancing people on the dance floor, the others conversing by the bar and suddenly he remembered that he was at a party with the guys. Although he hadn't wanted to come at first, they had persuaded him to go anyway.

He looked at the shadow behind him. Long blond hair tickled him, brown eyes peered right in to his.

Isabel.

She wrapped her arms round his neck and laid her head on his shoulders. Softly he touched her hands.

"How long have you been watching me?" he muttered.

She shook her head in the direction of the dance floor where Maria was dancing. "Long enough to see she still holds a big part in your heart. Or at least your thoughts."

"She's not who I thought she was. She shut me off, just like that." His gruff voice couldn't hide the pain and disappointment.

"Who shut who off?" she pointed out. "Did you give her a chance? Did you give yourself a chance?"

A grim expression appeared on his face. "Isabel, I love you a lot but don't interfere in something you know nothing about. Stay out of it!"

His bottled up anger gave her jim-jams. Especially because she knew his anger was unfounded. It made her doubly motivated to argue with him.

"I've got eyes and ears in my head. I know what I see. Plus, Maria told me everything. Her side of the story as well as yours. She's much more objective than you are, you know. Don't look at me like that, little bro. Somebody has to clean up your mess before you drown in them."

"Damn it, Iz." Michael's face was stormy now.

Isabel knew that Michael was on the verge of exploding. But she decided to take the risk and let him have her uncensored thoughts.

"Hold your horses, Michael, we're at a party. And I really don't feel like arguing here. Not with you, not with anyone else. Not here. Not where everybody can watch. But I'll tell you this and listen carefully and stick it in that daft head of yours, the last two months were a downright disaster. And not only for you but for everybody who lived in the same house as you. You were completely unpleasant, totally and insufferable annoying and arrogant. If you weren't like a brother to me, I would've asked for a divorce long time ago."

He grinned sourly at her humor. Isabel noticed she was getting through to him and restrained herself a little.

"We all love you but this has to stop, Michael. It just has to. It isn't livable anymore. For anybody. Please, take a very good look around tonight. Look at her. At yourself. You have to do something. Really. 'Cause it can't go any further."

She ended the conversation by giving him a kiss on the forehead and left him behind.

And while she walked back to her friends, Michael reflected on the things she said. Were those past months really that bad? A voice in his head whispered she hadn't exaggerated. On the contrary. He had taken out his frustration at everything that had gone wrong on those that were the closest to him. And the Evans family had certainly had more than their share of his anger lately. He even wondered why they had put up with his moods for so long.

Isabel had planted some doubts in his mind. What if she was right? Had he misjudged Maria? Except that period where she had backed off, she had always remained herself. The nice, lovely, outgoing and wacky girl. Everybody's friend. And she had stayed that way, even though he had treated her like shit.

And that one period when everything had started. Well, he wasn't exactly blameless. Actually he had pretty much been the cause of everything. Had he misinterpreted the situation? Had he made the wrong decision?

His thoughts brewed while he stared at Maria without really seeing her. His view was hazy with memories. Moments from the past months played over in his mind rapidly.

Maria lying under him while she looked right into his eyes with fascination.

Maria laughing out loud during a funny moment.

Maria crying in the streets when he left her.

Maria with a hurt expression when he bluntly ignored her in the Crashdown.

"Hey, Michael, like a beer?"

For the second time that evening he was startled. Due to his dark thoughts he hadn't heard his friends till now. From where he was standing, he could hear them talk and grin.

"Did you see the game between the Mavericks and Lakers?"

"Was that game yesterday? How did it go?"

Max and Kyle were discussing basketball while Alex, a real anti-sportsman, always kept interrupting them with the most ridiculous and absurd jokes.

"Do you guys know what you have to do when you see an elephant with a basketball?

Max and Kyle both shook their head.

"Get out of the way, as fast as you can."

Alex's insane remarks caused confusion at first before the guys cracked up and they all began trading jokes and witty remarks.

Michael looked in Maria's direction and then again to the three guys. The decision was made quickly.

In an effort to forget everything, although it was only for one evening, he threw himself completely in the good spirits of his friends. And in that same effort he embraced the temporary comfort of alcohol as well though he normally detested drunk people because he knew to well what they could do to everybody round them. He just had to remember Hank who had beaten the shit out of him on more than one occasion or look at the wheel chair he was sitting in right now. But that night, he just wanted to forget everything.

Later in the evening the four friends shifted themselves from the bar to the dance floor. The beer had flowed liberally and the spirits were high, verging on exuberant.

In the course of the evening the alcohol had washed away all inhibitations.

When the DJ turned the music to a slow song, everybody found each other on the dance floor. Not always choosing the usual couples. Alex grabbed Maria and whirled her eagerly through the room. On a given moment he literally mopped the floor with her.
Kyle found Liz and Max drove Michael around with Isabel as well as Tess on his lap. They all acted totally nuts.

And when the DJ changed to a heavy rock record, everybody went out of their minds. They head banged, jumped and danced outrageous. And even Michael, who normally wouldn't enter a dance floor, let himself go under the influence of the alcohol he had drunk that evening.

One moment he accidentally hit Maria while maneuvering himself on the dance floor. She looked at him, smiling. Her eyes sparkled without any anger in them. Just like before.
It made him more reckless and rash. He felt like a child, testing the boundaries of the impossible,

For the next half hour Michael kept circling round Maria. Off and on he bumped in to her 'accidentally', a provoking smirk on his lips.

After a while it made her feel jumpy and testy. But she didn't want to give him the pleasure of a reaction. But when he bumped into her for the umpteenth time, she couldn't restrain herself any longer.

She opened her mouth to put him in his place but before she could yell at him, Michael surprised her completely. With his strong arms he pulled her on his lap and started dancing and rolling around to the hilarity of everyone present. And to finish it off he clicked his chair with both hands. With Maria still on his lap he balanced on his two wheels and did some tricks. A daring sneer on his face.

Utterly animated Maria laughed along with the rest while her hands clung to his shirt in an effort not to fall. An observent spectator could see that her laugh didn't reach her eyes. They watched Michael in question and measured him closely.

Michael's eyes twinkled devilishly. Eager and provoking at the same time. Maria immediately knew that he wouldn't listen to reason tonight.

He waited till the end of the song to drive her outside the circle of people, away of the masses and their friends. Abruptly he changed from extreme joyfulness to a very bashful attitude. His eyes became rooted to the floor. As if he couldn't explain what he didn't understand himself.

But Maria didn't spot that. Even before he had stopped, she tried to free herself. In her eager attempt to get away from him, Maria hurt herself on one of the handles of his chair. Instantly Michael grabbed her when she staggered. But she didn't want him too so she quickly shook off his hands. And after slapping his shoulder, she left him behind. Without saying one single word.

Afterwards she kept glaring at him. She knew something was wrong. It wasn't hard to figure that one out. The more she watched his extrovert gestures, his daring attitude and his 'I've got nothing to loose' look in his eyes, the more she became certain there was no doubt about it. She could see that in his own screwed up way Michael had tried to tell her something. But what?

She realized she wouldn't find answers tonight. Not here in this bar. Not in the intoxicated condition he was in.

Chapter twelve


Oh, it's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spend it with you
Oh, such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on

Lou Reed - Perfect day



30th March


It was a beautiful spring. The sunlight sparkled in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. Maria checked her make-up and hair for the last time. She wanted to shine today.

Today was a special day. Today was Liz's and Max's wedding day. And as Liz's best friend she was chosen as a bridesmaid. It was the first time she had ever been asked to do it and she was really looking forward to it. The glitter, the attention, the long classy clothes, the fuss, the romance… She loved it all.

Though she had to admit it made her feel melancholic. And if she was honest, she was a little jealous too. Jealous of the fairytale of Liz and Max.

Liz had found in Max everything she was looking for: a romantic, thoughtful and charming guy who worshipped the ground she was walking on. Their attraction had begin when they were only chidlren. And when they finally dared to take the first step at sixteen, their relationship started rolling like a train. They started dating in high school, survived university together and were now living together in Roswell. In sin.

Maria smirked with that last thought. She could still recollect Mr. Parker's reaction when Max and Liz had announced they would buy a house together in Roswell.

"You're taking my little girl to live in sin? Are you out of you mind?" he had yelled at Max.

"Eh, dad, we already lived… Well, we already shared a room together in Harvard. So it won't -" Liz had interfered.

"What?" Mr. Parker's face was turning red now. "When were you intending on letting us in on that one? Did you have sex with him?" He asked in the same breath, pinning his finger to Max's chest.

Liz's face had flushed too now. "Well, dad, it was just cheaper that way. We shared the costs. And we do love each other, you know. And-" She had tried to sooth her father.

"And with your permission, sir, I would like to marry Liz. I asked your daughter already and she has said 'yes'." Max had added.

This had fell on good ground with Mr. Parker. He had nodded approvingly.

"And Liz has always dreamt about that old house cross the street. We have the opportunity to buy it now. It would be foolish not to take the offer. But we have to do it together or we can't afford it. Not right now anyway."

Eventually Mr. Parker had given his blessing. On one condition though: that they would marry within the year.

And exactly one year later they had set the wedding.

And today was the big day.

Maria sniffed. It wasn't only because it was Liz who was getting married. Weddings always made her melancholic. First of all because it worked on her soul. Her romantic heart always got touched. It just moved her to tears, every time. Even when she was watching the wedding of two completely strangers. And now it was her best friend who took the step.

And Max was Michael's best friend. The second reason to feel down. It had been eight months since she had seen him for the first time after several years, that day in August at the rehab center. After a rough start it had developed so nicely. First friends again, then lovers,… And now nothing.

"Really great." she muttered ironicaly.

Within a half year their friendship was again thrown in pieces. Shattered like never before. And this time she had a broken heart to top it off.

But she still liked him, cared about him. Hell, even loved him.

His weird behavior at the party a month ago, still worried the hell out of her and at the same time it irritated her too. She had tried to talk to him. Several times. Whether in person or on the telephone, he had always evaded her before she could start questioning him. And always adding a harsh remark towards her.

And today he would be there. As best man for Max.

"Come on, DeLuca, be Teflon! You can do it." Maria encouraged herself.

Before she could brood even more on it, she heard the horn of a car.

"Maria! The girls are here." Her mother yelled to her.

"Yeah! I heard. I'm coming." She shouted back.

In haste she grabbed her purse, dress and high heels and hurried herself outside where Isabel and Tess were waiting in the car.

Together they rode to Liz's home to engross themselves in the wedding festivities. And with Isabel as severe and precise wedding nazi, that wasn't too difficult.

It didn't take them long to get dressed. Though they didn't stop giggling and jabbering to each other. Well, it was actually Tess and Maria who couldn't restrain themselves. Isabel went completely nuts trying to make everything perfect.

When they all got dressed , they took a look at themselves in the mirror. It was a beautiful view. Isabel, Tess and Maria all standing side by side, wearing the same red evening gown that emphasized their curves. And Isabel had also provided them all with the same matching purse and high heels. It was perfect!

After a while Liz entered the room where her friends were waiting. They all hold their breath when she walked in.

Liz was breathtaking; she was everything a bride should be. Her white gown was simple but suited her in every way possible. Her dark hair rolled elegant over her shoulders. The front parts were tied together with small white ribbons which curled in her long dark brown hair.
She was really a picture.

After Maria had taken a second to admire her best friend, she rushed towards her and hugged her tightly.

In the background they heard Isabel yell "Hey, watch that dress! You're going to wrinkle it!" but they both didn't care.

"Chica, you look just wonderful." Maria murmured in Liz's ear.

"Am I?" Liz wondered.

"Don't even doubt it. Beautiful does't even do justice to how great you look. You earned it in so many ways. I'm so glad and happy for you, pumpkin!"

They both started giggling when they saw the tears shine in each others eyes. Maria brushed them gently away from Liz's face, trying not to ruin her make-up. "Look at us. We are complete nut cases."

"Yeah." Liz sniffed.

"You're going to have one hell of a wedding day, Liz Parker. So enjoy every single minute of it. You will sparkle, I can promise you that." Maria assured her.

"Thanks." Liz hugged Maria again and whispered "And I hope you will find your prince charming too."

"I already have, girl, I already have." Maria muttered back and sighed. "But typical for me: lover boy doesn't believe in fairytales. Hell, he doesn't even believe in him self."

Liz encouraged her. "He'll find his way back. Keep hoping."

"We'll see. We'll see." Maria inhaled deeply. And in an effort to lighten the mood she whirled Liz around the room and shouted "Let's party". And her good mood rubbed of on everybody and like a bunch of crazy teenage girls they all started dancing and going completely out of their minds.

Mrs. Parker peeped her head in the room. She glared oddly at them and shook her head. The girls all looked at each other and couldn't help laughing.

It was going to be a wonderful day.


********


A couple of minutes later they all stood behind the scenes, waiting at the first bars of the wedding marsh.

The ceremony was being held outside in the park. A beautiful porch was reserved for bride and groom. Max was already waiting just in front of it. Michael beside him in his wheel chair.

Maria couldn't keep her eyes of him. Michael wore a dark suit and black tie. Though she could see he wasn't comfortable in it, she thought it looked great on him. It made him look very distinguished and handsome.

And then the band started playing.

Maria smiled and shined. She started walking down the isle. She tried to focus on Max but in a corner of her eye she could see her mom waving in the crowd. Her smile broadened even more when she recognized the person sitting next to her. Sheriff Valenti. He had been trying to date her mom for ages now. At last he was making some progress in now.

Before she knew it she was at the end of the aisle and she took her place beside the altar. Isabel and Tess joined her almost immediately. And then they all looked at Liz who literally glowed while walking towards the man she adored.

Maria sniffed and quickly wiped a tear away. In an effort to pull herself together, she gazed away. And looked right into Michael's eyes. The brown eyes pinned her like they never had before.

She and Michael both kept staring at each other, like they were the only people around.

And then Michael blinked away and the moment was gone.

Chapter thirteen



When the aching is over
I hope we can talk again
I hope that you'll understand me
I wonder if I ever will

Krezip - Everything and more



"You may kiss the bride."

The priest hadn't even finsished his line when Max took Liz in a romantic embrace.

The crowd applauded, cheered and whistled.

Michael released a breath. The first step of the wedding was over. "Thank God!" he thought. He really wasn't into weddings. Especially weddings where he had to parade in a stupid penguin costume and pull off an act as best man. It was one of his worst nightmares.

"Thanks, man."

Max's voice interrupted his thoughts. Looking at Max he noticed the other people had already left.

"Oh, it was my pleasure." He shrugged.

Max laughed out loud with the played nonchalance written all over Michael's face. "No, it was not. Come on, just admit it, Michael. You hate this kind of things."

"Yeah, true." He confessed. "But I've got only one best friend since kindergarten, so-"

"Well, if that's the case then I'm going to take even more advantage of it. Before you can run away, that is."

And before Michael could react, Max grabbed the handles of his wheel chair and started pulling him in the direction of the garden.

"Maxwell?"

Max couldn't hide the grin on his face anymore when he saw the obvious horror on Michael's face appearing after he had said: "Picture time!"


****


Maria was already with the others gathered around in front of a nice setting of flowers and plants when Max and Michael turned round the corner.

She could see Max was teasing Michael. Michael looked accusingly at Max but underneath that pose she could see the start of a smirk on his face.

"Pictures are just a waste of paper, you know Maxwell. It shows people in the ugliest way possible." Michael stated.

"Yeah, speak for yourself! But then again, you can't turn something repulsive in a thing of beauty."

"Oh, is that why all your pictures look like they escaped from a ghost house?"

"Ha, ha. Funny, really funny. Is that where mine met yours??"

"Maybe."

The both grinned boyishly.

Until Michael became aware of her. Maria immediately noticed the change in his behaviour.
A "Did you see me" sign appeared on his provoking face.

"Oh boy!" went through her mind, followed by "What is he up to now?"

But instead of challenging her further at that moment, he just parked his chair nonchalantly on the other side. Trying to give her the impression that he didn't care about her being there.

So she tried to do the same thing and kept herself busy arranging Liz's dress, so the photographer could take pictures of the wedding couple alone.

After those the photographer started gesturing at the others to join.

Pictures with their families, with the bride's maids, with the bride's maids and the best man. Every combination had to pose before the camera.

And during every single one of them Maria could feel somebody watching at her. And every time she looked up, she couldn't help looking right in Michael's brewing eyes. It was as if he couldn't stop glaring at her. As if she was irresistible for him. Though it made her very uncomfortable, she tried to ignore him. Smiling she looked right in the lens.


***


Michael tapped his fork against his champagne flute. When everybody present gave him their attention, he cleared his throat.

"Good evening, everyone. Max asked me to thank you all for coming today and helping to make Max and Liz's wedding such a memorable and special occasion. Personally, I wish you'd all stayed at home and made my job less nerve wracking. But hell, you're here anyway. So here I go. I could say a lot of nice things about how great Max is as a friend. About how lovely and beautiful Liz is. And how they look great together. I could talk about true love and all those other fuzzy feelings. But you know me, I'm not going to do that. So, here's to Max and Liz!"

Michael clinked to his best friend and his dream girl. And everybody followed suit.

Liz smiled at him and thanked him with her eyes. Max pulled up his thumb before he guided Liz to the dance floor for their first dance.

In the fuss of the first dance Michael took the chance to escape the party for a minute. When he drove outside, he met Kyle at the large porch.

Kyle looked up at him. "Hey, man, seems I'm not the only one breaking away."

"My job is finished. Thank God for that!"

"That bad, huh?"

"If you like all the mumbo-jumbo it's paradise. Really."

Kyle laughed at Michael's stinging remark. But then, all of a sudden, he froze when he saw another person standing in the doorway.

"Kyle, what's wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost."

But before Kyle could answer, a voice startled them both.

"Michael Guerin, you're telling me right now what's going on in your head. 'Cause I'm sick of the whole show you've pulled lately."

Maria came closer and stood right in front of him. She looked enraged and fierce. It was Maria in hurricane-mode.

Kyle tilted his head and watched them both. "Ok, guys, two is a party, three is a crowd. People, enjoy yourself!"

And with those sarcastic words he turned on his heels and left them both alone on the porch.

Michael barked. "Look what you did! You chase everybody away. Besides, I don't know what you're talking about.

Maria's eyes flashed. "That's crap, Michael! And you know it! You're well aware about what I'm talking about. Every fucking time it's the same thing with you! Something is bothering you. And instead of talking about it like normal people do, you become touchy, annoying and completely unpleasant. And you make me look ridiculous every time our friends are around."

"How-" he started.

"How do I know something's wrong, you mean?" she stared at him. "Well, it wasn't hard to figure that one out, pally. Even a child can see something's up. What's more, it's not the first time you pulled off a stunt like that."

Michael looked at her guiltily. He cringed hearing her angry words knowing that every one of them were true. But Maria was too worked up to notice.

"When you were seventeen, you cut me out of your life for several months because I wasn't cheering your girlfriend. I was nothing to you for almost six months except somebody to make fun of. The highlight was the one time in the Crashdown. Every time I spilled something, you-"

"Gave a penny." he finished her sentence. "I know, I never was that subtle."

"Subtle?" Maria echoed. "That's even an understatement, Michael! You make me so pissed off…"

"But I have your attention, don't I?" he pointed dryly out.

His remark broke the tension between them both. His contented face made her chuckle whether she wanted it or not.

Maria snorted loudly. "Yeah, you got my attention. Damn, Michael, you know you can always have my attention if you want to."

She touched her temples, making soothing, gentle circles on them. "Man, do I miss my oils right now" she thought. And when she was calmed down again, she took a seat on the ground next to his wheel chair. A weary look on her face.

"And now, can you please finally tell me what's on your mind?"

Michael sighed heavily. "It's kinda hard… Where in Gods name do I start?" he fidgeted with his hands in the pockets of his pants.

"From the beginning. Just start at the beginning, Michael."

Hesitatingly he started, choking on the words as he spoke, "I miss our friendship, Maria. I… I miss you."

His voice sounded so bleak to her ears, showing her his complete vulnerability.

Finally, after all those months, he had managed to speak out loud what he was feeling deep inside. His honest words took the wind out of her sails and all her anger faded away. Slowly her hand reached for his. This time he didn't pull away. She squeezed them, letting him know everything was going to turn out fine.

"Me too, Michael. Me too."

Michael sighed in relief. He looked at her in the twilight of the day and saw a tear shimmer.

"Emo," he teased her. Tenderly and delicatly he brushed it away with his fingertip.

"Yeah, that's me." Maria giggled.

"So what happens next?"

"Now we're going dancing and amuse ourselves like we never did before." Resolute she stood up to reinforce her words.

But Michael hesitated again. "Is that everything you're going to say? 'Cause I'm ready to take everything what's going on in the mad mind of yours. All of it."

She shook her head. "I'm not going to do it, Michael. Not tonight, that is."

Confused he looked at her. "Aren't you mad anymore? Don't I have to explain, apologize,…?

"Michael Guerin, could you please get your butt on the dance floor? Like now? 'Cause we lost a couple of months with our own stupid behaviour. Again! It seems long enough to me. And you can be assured, I'm not angry anymore."

She looked him right in the eye. "How can I stay angry with a guy who took so much pains to attract my attention? The way you went about it wasn't that great, to say the least. But what the heck, that's a small detail.

And then she saw the corner of his mouth quirk, a smile appearing on his face, as if it had taken him that long to realize she wasn't going to yell at him. He sure knew she had every right to do so. But like always, her unpredictable behaviour had surprised him. Completely.

"Come on, nutcase, lead me to the dance floor. It's the least you can do to make it up to me."

And before she had the chance to change her mind and find another, more awkward, manner for him to make it up, he offered her his hand. "My lady?"

And with that word he grabbed her hand and did what he was told. He leaded her to the dance floor where they joined the others.

Chapter fourteen



Cause I ain't happy man
'till I see you smile
'till I see the spark back in your eyes
And I can tell you why

Anouk - My friend



3 weeks later


Maria sat on a bright coloured blanket in the grass. The sun shone brightly. She had taken off her shoes and her toes explored the grass next to the blanket. And though she was buried in paperwork, she enjoyed the moment thoroughly.

Normally she wouldn't correct the papers of her students in a public park, but what the heck. She didn't care. Maria was in the park for one and one particular reason only: Michael!

The place she was sitting had been chosen very strategically - just behind the bushes next to the basket court. From the spot she was sitting, she could easily watch the court without being noticed. At that moment it was still empty with the exception of a couple of teenage boys who were gathered next to the court. They were trying to build a skate ramp by the look of it but they weren't doing a good job at it. Even Maria could tell that from where she was.

So she refocused to the papers on her lap. It was a sunny day and she hoped Michael would pass by in his sport wheel chair to practice.

Maria wasn't even half-way through the next paper on her lap when she heard the bouncing of a basketball. Her head popped up the minute she heard the sound. Instantly a smile appeared on her face.

It was her lucky day!

It was Michael!

The papers immediately forgotten Maria couldn't stop staring.

"What do you think you're doing?"

A sudden voice surprised Maria completely. She jumped upright, holding her heart in the process. The papers fluttered in all directions.

"Are you spying on Michael?" Liz rephrased her question.

Relieved to see her best friend, Maria inhaled loudly. "Oh, it's you, Liz! God, you startled me. Don't you ever do that again, girl! It almost killed me." Without taking a breath, Maria changed the topic. "Hey, you're back! How was your honeymoon? You're really looking good."

"Don't change the subject, Maria, answer the question." Liz looked impatiently at her friend.

"Yes! No! Well, maybe…"

"Maria?" Liz raised an eyebrow at Maria's evasive answer.

Instate of answering her, Maria pulled Liz next to her on the blanket. After Liz was seated, Maria pointed to Michael who was still playing.

"Liz, just look at him. What do you see?"

Puzzled Liz looked at Michael and back to Maria. Finally she shrugged her shoulders. "It's just Michael, Maria."

"That's not 'just' Michael! Look closely. Look at his face. His eyes."


***


At that moment Michael lost his grip on the basketball. With a swing the ball bounced into the middle of the teens sitting next to the court. A kid with messy long dark hair caught the ball. He hesitated, looked longing at it and eventually swung it back to Michael.

Michael noticed the desire of the boy to play. "Hey, you guys, you wanna play? You seem to have a break," he nodded in the direction of the half finished wooden construction, "and I could use some competition. It's kinda boring playing on my own."

The boys looked at each other not knowing how they should react to the question the handicapped man had asked them. They had watched him play and had covertly stared at his wheel chair not believing he could still play while being seated in that thing.

Michael could feel the hesitation. "If you don't play basketball, just say it. No problem for me. I'll just keep on practising by myself."

Eventually the kid, who had thrown the ball back, pulled himself up. "No, we play. Street basket, that is."

"Ok! You're on then! Let's play ball!" Michael said enthusiastically and without giving them the opportunity to back off, he immediately started to divide them in groups.

Within five minutes they were all engrossed in the game. The boys quickly lost their awkwardness against Michael's wheel chair and even forgot Michael was in one.


***


"Look at him, Liz. That's not the Michael we've seen the last couple of months. That person over there is the real thing! The real Michael Guerin. I can tell you that!"

Liz looked doubtfully. "If you ask me, I can't see any difference."

Gesturing wildly, Maria elaborated. "You may not have noticed it, but Michael and I finally talked. At your wedding party. I got angry, he swept me off my feet by showing me what he was feeling inside and we reconciled. But we aren't back to where we were before, you know. We're trying to be friends. But that best friend thing is gone. Vanished. It's like we both walk on our toes when we meet. It's shallow and fake. He just acts the same way around me that he does with everybody else. Grumpy, sometimes smirking. But it stops there. He doesn't let me in. As a matter of fact, he doesn't let anyone in anymore."

"Oh, Liz, I miss the way we could bicker. The talking. His dry sense of humour. His laughter." Maria said plaintively.

"Michael Guerin can laugh?" Liz chuckled, disbelief written all over her face.

"He certainly can! And it makes him look so handsome!"

Liz nodded that she understood what Maria was saying. "But what has that to do with Michael playing basketball?"

"Look at him, Liz! He smirks, laughs. He enjoys himself. And he doesn't pretend. He's himself.

Maria let out a deep sigh. "That's how he used to behave himself with me too. And I really, really miss it." Gazing at him, she corrected herself. "I miss him, Liz."

Liz could hear the longing in Maria's voice.

"And 'cause I know you can only see him like that when he's playing or drawing, I like to come to the park. I can't spy on him when he's drawing inside the house, so this is the next best thing."

And then she giggled. "The next best thing to the being with the real Michael that is."


***


After playing for fifteen minutes, the boys took a break. Sweaty and tired, they lowered themselves on to the grass besides the court. Michael took a spot next to them but stayed in his chair.

He swept the sweat of his forehead with the back of his hand while saying, "Street basket, huh? You guys play a great game."

"Thanks" One of the guys muttered.

Another one looked at him. "You are a hell of a player too. Even in that thing." The kid pointed at Michael's chair.

"Are you a professional player, sir?"

The boys all looked at him now.

Michael smirked. "Hell no, before my accident I was actually a carpenter."

The boys didn't know it but it was the first time Michael had ever referred to his accident while talking to strangers. But even he didn't notice it and went on. "Speaking of wood. What the hell are you guys building over there?" he nodded in the direction of the wooden construction.

The boy with the messed up hair grumbled, defeat clearly visible in the way he spoke and acted. "A skate ramp."

"We want to ride our skateboard on one of those high ramps. In Roswell there's nowhere we can practice."

Another kid added. "We got the permission to build something but it's fucked up."

"Yeah, it's a total disaster."

Michael looked at the boys. It stung seeing them so disappointed.

"Haven't you got anybody to help you out?"

"Nope." The boy with the wild haircut shook his head.

One of the others explained. "He hasn't got a dad."

The boy he had referred to lowered his head in embarrassment.

"And ours-" He pointed at his brother. "Our father loves his job more then us. He isn't around often."

"And my mother says mine has two left hands."

Michael couldn't help feeling sorry for them. He knew how it was to have no dad around. And Hank? Well, he could honestly say his life would have been a lot easier without that creep. So he did the only thing he could think of.

"Come on, let me see that disaster of yours. I'll see if I can give you boys a hand."

Together they all moved towards their sorry attempt at a ramp.

It didn't take long for Michael to see where they had gone wrong building the thing. With a lot of patience and effort, he gestured and showed them what they needed to do. Though he couldn't help them out physically, he gave them pointers and even helped them saw some smaller pieces with a machine. He never realized he was being watched.


***


Maria slapped one hand dramatically to her forehead before she jumped up. "That's it!" she blurted out. "God, why didn't I think of that before? It's so obvious."

"Chica, I'll be back! I just have to check something out." And without saying another word she disappeared before Liz could react.

Completely dazed by the sudden outburst and disappearance of her best friend, Liz stayed behind. After a minute she shook her head in laughter and looked at the mess Maria had left behind.

And while gathering Maria's stuff, she said out loud. "God, Maria, you're going to loose your head one day if you keep acting like that."

Chapter fifteen


Don't be the one who breaks
Be the one who looks ahead
And just go-ooo for
And the world is yours

Zornik - 4 Million minutes



With a loud bang they let the door of the garage slam shut. Though the sound echoed in the building, they got no reaction what so ever. They waited impatiently for a few minutes but nobody came.

"Hey, Kyle!"

"Valenti, where are you, man?"

On cue a head popped out from under the car next to where Max was standing.

"Hi, guys!"

A startled Max immediately jumped up. "God, Kyle, that's not good for my health!"

With a push Kyle launched himself and the board he was laying on out from under the car. Michael rolled himself closer towards his friends.

"I'm glad you guys came!" Kyle said while lifting himself up.

Michael smirked. "I'm glad you called in the first place. So, I assume you got some good news for me?"

"Hell yes, let me wash up first and I'll show you what I could lay my hands on."

Kyle calmly walked the sink in the corner and cleaned his hands thoroughly without any rush. It made Michael almost jump out his chair in suspense.

"Come on, Valenti, they're clean now!" he growled.

"A little impatient, Guerin?" Kyle grinned at his restless friend. And to tease him even more, he strolled slowly to a covered up vehicle.

"Ready?"

Michael clenched his teeth at Kyle's teasing. Max grinned beside him, his hands in his pockets amused at Kyle and Michael's interaction.

"Tada!" With one wide arm gesture, Kyle removed the cover, exposing a bright coloured VW van. A peace symbol still painted on the hood in front.

The sight of the hippie looking car imposed silence upon everybody. And before Michael could even mutter "What the fuck!" Max bent over in laughter, shaking his head.

A dazed Kyle looked at his friends. He really didn't understand what was funny. He had hoped they would react as eagerly as he had after finding the car.

"What's wrong? It's gonna be great once it's finished. The van is big enough to install one of those special turnout chairs. I can also install a lift on the roof that can pick up your chair and automatically stow it away."

"And how much will it cost me?" Michael asked doubtfully.

A smile appeared on Kyle's face. He knew he could convince Michael if he just picked out the right words. "That's the beauty of it. The van was a bargain-"

And to Max's amusement he heard Michael snort. "Why am I not surprised?"

But Kyle carried on undaunted. "I'm gonna try to buy the spare parts second hand. It's gonna be a challenge but I'm really looking forward to getting my hands on it. Adjusting it, changing everything,-"

"Beginning with the colour?"

"You don't like the colour?" Kyle demanded as if he was offended. "Well, too bad 'cause I'm changing it anyway."

The look on Michael's face was hilarious.

"Nice one, Kyle!" Max chuckled before he high-fived with Kyle.

"Ha, ha, aren't we funny?"

"Jeez, Guerin, lost your sense of humour? Come on man, did you honestly think I would keep the car in those hideous colours? You know I'm more a sport car type of man: aerodynamic, powerful, masculine. Unless your accident has made your good taste vanish, I remember you liked the same things in a car as I do."

Michael nodded.

Kyle waved him closer by. "Well then, come and take a look. You have to look beyond the ugly thing you see here. Let me show you all the details. It's going to turn in one hell of a car."

While Michael and Kyle circled round the van, pointing to every small part and detail possible, Max stood back. He wasn't that keen on cars. He was happy enough just to drive them. He began scanning the walls of the garage until he happened upon some posters. Posters of half-naked, sexy woman on them.

"Hey, Valenti, you've got some beautiful things hanging here!"

Without looking, Kyle knew what Max was referring too. "Oh, you mean, the collection of the dream girls?"

"Dream girls, huh, like to know what Tess things 'bout that." Max joked.

Kyle took a cloth to wipe away the dirt of his hands, once again, and came closer.

"Don't give me that, Evans, a guy has to dream of something aside what he's got in reality. And the reality can be incredible good but a guy can still set his mind on a beautiful unreachable babe. Just for the fun of it. So everybody in the garage named the chick they'd like to screw in their dreams and we hung her picture on the wall. So, that's our collection dream girls."

He looked daring at Max. "So, come on, Evans, you're a normal guy. So I thought. Who's your dream date?"

And without thinking Max blurted out "Julia Stiles" and then he panicked. "But don't you dare telling Liz, Valenti."

"Hey, no worries!" he said while holding up his hands in defence.

"Guerin?"

"Maria." Michael didn't even blink when he gave a spontaneous answer to Kyle's question.

Kyle frowned. "As in Sharapova? That blond tennis thing?"

"No, as in DeLuca." Michael blurted out.

"Why in heaven's name did you ditch her then?" he asked as blunt as he could be.

"Kyle!"

But to the surprise of both of them, Michael immediately came to Kyle's defence. "Let him be, Max. He has the same great sense of subtleness as I have. An honest one. And I really don't mind. Besides, he's right, you know."

It was the first time he would talk about Maria with anyone. Something deep inside of him, wanted them to understand. Wanted to let them see why he had given up the love of his life.

But he was still Michael Guerin. The guy who never spoke about these things stored up inside of him. He couldn't change who he was. He turned his wheel chair away with one hand, creating a boundary between him and them.

And after a moment of silence, he started to talk. "Maria is my dream girl in so many ways. Beautiful, honest, a great sense of humour, big hearted." He sighed. "She knows me better than anybody. Hell, she's the only person on this planet who puts up with my bullshit. Every single time. But as much as I love her, I can't condemn her to a life with a wheel chair. I really can't."

Kyle immediately interfered "Nobody deserves a life like that. You neither, Guerin."

Max nodded. "He's right, Michael."

Their serious voices made Michael lift up his head. Kyle took advantage of Michael's attention and took a seat nearby on the hood of a car before he started to explain.

"It's a lot like love, you know. Nobody on earth deserves to live a loveless life. We aren't made that way. Every man deserves his girl. 'Cause without the one you love, you're just-"

"Incomplete…" Michael muttered inarticulately .

But Kyle didn't hear him clearly and finished the sentence himself. "A stupid moron."

"Thanks."

A grin appeared on Kyle's face. "You're welcome. And if you're ever in need of my excellent wisdom of life, you know where to find me."

"Can that wisdom of yours paint?" Max asked.

"Yeah…" Kyle answered hesitantly.

"Great! 'Cause next week, we are all going to Michael's to do some renovations."

"Yes, I called my old boss and he's coming over with the guys to help me adjust the kitchen cabinets. The girls already promised to make the curtains and decorate the place. And Max needs a hand painting the whole thing."

"You're on! I'll be there. Should I bring a pic of Julia for you when I'm there, Max?"

"Don't you-"

"Gotcha!"

Chapter sixteen



It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

Foo Fighters - Times Like These



"You rang, milady?"

A stiff looking Alex bowed when he opened the door in Michael's house. He quickly dropped his pose when Maria's purse hit him on the arm.

"God, Alex, why can't you be normal for once?" Maria greeted him, rolling her eyes in the process.

"But this is normal." He pointed out, as innocent as a new-born baby.

Maria smirked while looking at her friend. "I know. And I like it." The grin on her face made Alex smile.

While they walked inside, she noticed Alex was wearing a blue overall. Its pockets were completely stuffed with all sorts of wires and tools. She knew he was an approved installer of computer equipment and that kind of stuff but she couldn't help teasing him.

"And what's your job today? Getting in everybody's way?"

"Ha, ha, aren't we funny? I'm installing all electronics, thank you very much!"

"So you're wiring the place into one big booby-trap?" Maria joked.

Alex nodded. He could tell she was playing around. "You bet! And while I'm busy I'm also installing a surround music system in the living room, and some cables for television, internet and telephone. Am I a great or what?"

"The best!"

"Hi, Maria."

Several voices welcomed her when she stepped inside the living room. Max, Liz and Isabel were already at work. Max was preparing the material to paint the hall in a warm colour of ochre yellow. Liz and Isabel were stitching the matching curtains.
Kyle and Tess were late as usual.

Maria greeted them all in return. She was about to ask where Michael was, when she heard his wheel chair riding through the kitchen. The next moment he appeared in the doorway.

"Good morning Michael!

"Hi, Pixie!"

The teasing response made her lift her head in surprise. The look on her face was priceless. As if she couldn't believe, he had just said that. "Yes! We're back on track," she thought.

Maria couldn't even remember the last time he had teased her like that. It gave her hope, thinking about the fun moments they had shared in the past. As friends. Best friends.

So all the joy she felt radiated from her body when she smiled back at him. "I'm here to work, boss. Where do you want this slave?"

"Follow me," he said as he winked her.

"Follow the leader, leader,…" she sang inarticulately while she walked along with him. To the amusement of her friends it wasn't exactly walking. It was a cross-over between walking, dancing and whirling.

Maria was so busy entertaining herself and the others that she didn't pay attention. So when she entered the kitchen, she bumped right into Michael's wheel chair.

"Oops."

The innocent look on her face made the people in the kitchen smirk. Her head popped up when she heard different voices. To her surprise she was not alone with Michael. In the corner of the room she saw two, in red overall dressed, men. At first look she could see that they were busy installing the kitchen cabinets.

"Maria, I like to introduce you to my former boss, Phil and that's his son Nick. Guys, this is Maria."

Phil immediately stepped forward to shake Maria's hand. "Hello, Maria, it's nice to meet you. We heard a lot about you."

"You did, did you?" she glanced curiously towards Michael.

"You're the long time friend from high school, aren't you?" Nick added.

Maria just nodded. Speechless by the fact Michael had mentioned her to his boss and co-workers.

But before she could explore it furthermore, Phil continued the conversation. "So, you're here to help out too. What's your speciality? The decorations?"

And while Maria nodded her head eagerly, Michael roared "Hell, no!"

"I thought you liked my good taste in things?" Maria said, offended.

"Yeah, but-"

Ignoring the others, she grabbed him by his collar. "Look here, mister, if I remember correctly, you wanted me for my good taste, now you're going to let me use it."

"But you're going to turn my dream house in something ultra feminine with girlie colours and other trash."

The desperate look on his face made her smile. Though she didn't want to cave in, she wanted to please him too. So she tried to moderate his and her own demands.

"You know what, let me rearrange the bedrooms. Nobody ever comes over there. And if you like it, I get free hand on the final decorations in the living room. Deal?"

Thinking he could easily hang up a poster of Metallica if the result was disappointing, Michael gave in. But not before groaning loudly to let her see he wasn't that pleased with the way she was taking over. "Ok, smarty-pants, you can have it your way."

"Yes! I knew it! And I can tell you this already! I will completely astonish you!" And with those words she hugged him quickly and took off in the direction of the bedrooms. Before he had the opportunity to change his mind or impose any restrictions.

"Of that I'm sure," he muttered to the amusement of his ex-colleagues.


***


Three hours later Michael started wandering through his own home to examine all the changes his friends had made.

In the living room he found Max and Liz making out. The both jumped up when he entered but when Max recognized his best friend, he relaxed and embraced Liz again.

"Hey, you two love birds, how's everything going?" Michael asked.

"Good, good," Max grinned. "Just taking a break."

Michael looked around. The wiring of the living room was done and the grooves were almost completely covered again.

"Whoa, you guys certainly got a lot done! By the way, where are Izzy and Alex?"

"She and Alex went shopping. Alex was missing some pieces he needed to finish it up and…" Max looked desperately to Liz to help him out. Obviously trying to hide something.

So Liz jumped in. "And Isabel needed another colour of cloth to make some more drapes."

"Yeah, pink one. For your bedroom." Max added trying not look at Liz.

His wife was standing behind Michael's wheel chair almost completely bent over as she was having a hard job trying not to giggle out loud. She had one hand covering her mouth and her whole body shook from keeping her laughter inside.

"Pink? For my bedroom?" Michael growled. "Have they completely lost it?"

And with those words Michael angrily rolled towards the bedrooms.

The second he left the room, Liz and Max couldn't stop themselves and laughed out loud.


***


But before Michael could reach his bedroom to vent his thoughts, he busted Maria who was trying to force one of his bedroom doors open.

"Hey," he roared, "what the fuck you think you're doing there?"

Not even looking at him, Maria continued her effort. Not aware that she was doing anything wrong, she just replied. "I can't open this door."

"Did it ever cross your mind that you're not supposed to get it open."

That answer got her attention. "Why not?" She blurted out, not understanding why he was making problems about a simple door.

"'Cause."

"Michael?" She lifted an eyebrow.

He definitely could see she wasn't going to drop the question until he gave a sufficient answer. Good God, she was the most stubborn person he had ever met.

"Paintings." He eventually barked out. "I paint in that room. So just stay the hell out of it."

"Oh."

"And no, you can't see them."

"Ok."

Now it was Michael's turn to lift his eyebrows. "Ok. That's it? You're not going to push the matter?"

To his surprise, she shook her head. "No, I'll see them later." An air of self- confidence shimmered in her answer.

"By the way, Michael, I still have to talk to you 'bout something. The other day I had a real bright idea, if I say it myself-"

Suddenly Kyle's voice interrupted their conversation before they both could say what they wanted. "Hey, Guerin, come to look at our work?"

"Our?" Not understanding what the hell Kyle was talking about, Michael forced himself to focus to Kyle.

"Yeah, mine, Tess's and of course Maria's too. She's the one who came up with the basic idea and we helped work it all out."

Michael cursed inarticulately while thinking "Oh, boy, what the fuck? What is this? Damn Michael day? First the pink drapes, then Maria who tried to break in my art room and now these three idiots who let themselves into my bedroom!"

Visions of naked playgirls lying on the hood of a red shiny Ferrari came up in his mind. Not that he didn't like those images. Far from it, but they were good for magazines and things like that. You could joke about them with your friends. But there was no way those three morons were going to paint his room in some kind of porno cinema with pink curtains to finish the horror up.

Thinking about every disaster possible and on the verge of exploding, he rolled himself in his bedroom.

The view stunned him though. Completely. Of all the things he could've never imagined this one.

"My God!" he stammered.

Maria snickered to Kyle and Tess. "I said he would like it, didn't I?"

Unable to speak, Michael just nodded. Without taking his eyes of the room in front of him.

To his surprise, his room was painted in three different colours of grey. From a soft grey shade to some details in dark grey. They had kept everything simple, using the same colours over again. With the exception of one detail: a king-size drawing of the Metallica star brightly painted in red above his bed!

"The red of the star will be reflected in the colours of your sheets. Isabel is going to make them, especially for you." Maria whispered in his ears.

Kyle and Tess laughed out loud at the astonishment written all over Michael's face.

"Loose your tongue, Guerin?"

"Didn't know you could draw." Of all the things he could've said, that one was the first to pop out.

Maria grinned now. "Me neither. Just projected the whole thing on the wall and the rest was piece of cake."

"It's freakin' beautiful!" Michael scratched his eyebrow before proceeding. "Never thought I would say it though, but thank you, guys!"

Author's note: The festival mentioned in the story is completely fictive. It doesn't exist but it's based on Rock Werchter, a well-known Belgian Rock Festival. You can check it out here: http://www.rockwerchter.be/en/home/



Chapter seventeen


It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Muse - Feeling good



"So Michael, what do you think of your 'ultra feminine pink' bedroom?" Max teased when he walked inside, followed by a smiling Liz.

"That I'm fucking relieved you didn't touch an inch of it." Michael joked.

They all laughed at Michael's dry comment. And that's how Isabel found her friends when she got back.

"Hey, what's up?" she asked while leaning nonchalantly against the doorway.

Alex's head popped around the corner right behind her. "Whoa! Nice job! Great room!"

Max looked at his sister and with the smile still on his face he asked her if she brought the pink fabric with her.

Confused Isabel looked at him. But when she saw she wouldn't get any answer for him, she shifted her attention to Michael.

"Pink fabric? Did you really want me to buy pink fabric?"

She could honestly not believe that was a colour Michael would pick out himself. Not voluntarily at least.

Michael smirked. "Don't worry about it, Iz. They're making fun of me."

"And we did a great job doing it! He was on the verge of loosing it. He went almost completely nuts."

A smile broke out on Michael's face. "Yeah, I did, didn't I?"

His honest remark made them all burst in laughter again. When they had calmed down, it was Kyle who got everybody's attention. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting hungry."

Tess smiled at her boyfriend, rubbing his belly at the same time. "Is your stomach protesting again?"

And before Kyle could even respond to that question, his stomach rumbled loudly. Not even slightly embarrassed he proudly announced "It's not only protesting but if the beast inside isn't fed soon, it's going to attack too!"

"Lucky us, I brought food for everybody!" Isabel laughed, holding a big picnic basket in the air.

Everybody erupted at the same moment.

"Fantastic!"

"Let's fall upon the food!"

"Say thanks to Mrs. Evans!"

Hearing the last comment, Isabel looked directly to Michael.

"How did you know she made the food?"

"Eh… Don't get me wrong but…" Michael tried to deliver his answer as polite as he could. But he had a hard time hiding his dislike at the thought of Isabel's cooking.

Eventually it was Max who saved him. "But we all know that you aren't a princess in the kitchen. Actually, when I think about it, I don't think you ever used any equipment in our kitchen. Or maybe just the microwave to heat something mom had already cooked."

Isabel glared at her brother wickedly. "You're not very hungry, are you Max? 'Cause as I see it; I've got the food and you can nibble on a wooden stick for all I care."

"Aw," Max grinned, "I surrender!"

Kyle, who got impatient by the bantering between the two siblings, interrupted them bluntly. "Could you both just put a stick in it? I'm dying here and I'm not the only one who's hungry."

Maria nodded enthusiastically. "Let's break in Michael's backyard!"

And several minutes later Michael's small lawn was covered with several blankets just like a colourful patchwork quilt. Together with Michael's former co-workers, they were all seated in one big cosy circle. Even Michael left his wheel chair to join his friends.

In the middle of them they had gathered all the food so they could share it together. The animated bunch of friends had a great time together.

Kyle didn't loose much time to grab everything he could lay his hands on. The only things that came out of his mouth were things like "Can you pass me that bowl?" or "That looks delicious, Tess, can I try?"

Alex, on the other hand, was busier with juggling apples in the air then eating. Isabel let him be though. She knew her boyfriend inside out and took care of him. And of his plate. Assuring him he had something left to eat after he entertained everybody.

In the mean time Isabel jabbered with Maria and Liz while Max had a conversation with Phil and Nick.

Though he had a great time seeing his friends enjoying themselves, Michael didn't participate. He just laid back and watched them from a distance. He felt great. The situation felt great. Normal. Something he hadn't experienced in a very long time.

Unaware, a smile appeared on his face.

Max noticed his smiling friend and was amazed by the change. The smile lit up Michael's entire face. His eyes shone, clearly showing the joy and pleasure he was feeling.
It did him good to see his best friend getting his life back on track on his own terms - step by step.

In her turn, Isabel observed Max and Michael. Aside from Alex, they were the only ones who took such a big part of her heart.

"We should do this a lot more," She eventually said out loud. "The picnic, the blankets on the ground, you guys having fun all the time, and though you can't hear the music here, it all reminds me of…"

"The festival!" they all blurted out.

"Yeah." Isabel said, surprised that everybody had thought about the same thing.

"We all had a great time that day." Michael remembered. "Besides, Maria and I already talked about repeating the whole thing."

Maria nodded assent. "Yeah, we want to go with everybody."

Kyle immediately got enthusiast. "First a road trip, camping in the great outdoors, a load of rock music and a lot of booze!" He turned to Tess. "Can we leave now?"

They all laughed, seeing his eager face.

"Oh, baby," Tess grabbed his face between her palms, "We're really going to go but we need a plan, you know."

Maria piped up. "That's something for our Liz! Arranging everything, when we depart, where we're going to stop for a break, what kind of food we need on our trip,-"

"Aren't you forgetting something? Like the most important thing?" Alex interrupted.

His question got everybody's attention. All eyes were locked on him. "The festival? Which one are we going to seek out? Something with poppy music for the girls or something alternative or a mix of all styles?"

"Alternative."

"Hip Hop"

"No, Metal rocks!"

"So, a mix! Definitely!" Alex scratched his head. They could almost hear him think out loud.

"Well, it's almost May now. We have to wait until July 'cause Isabel and Maria teach. So I think the most interesting in music and most reachable in a couple of days would be the Lollapalooza festival in Chicago. It's in the beginning of August."

Michael nodded "Yeah, I heard about that one. In the past they had headliners like The Smashing Pumpkins, Metallica, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers,… Like them."

"Yeah, but I read somewhere that it's located in the middle of the city. You can't camp in the middle of Chicago." Max objected.

Maria immediately clapped her hands. "Goodie, no tent! Well hello hotel, with your great bed and lovely bathroom!"

Kyle and Michael both pulled faces when they heard Maria's words.

"No way! That's not the same thing! It has to be with the tent." Michael complained.

Kyle agreed enthusiastically.

"Ok. Got your point." Alex responded. And again he scratched his head while thinking deeply.

It was Tess though, who brought the solution. "Why don't we go to the exact same thing as then?"

"Rock Essex in California?" Alex demanded.

Tess nodded. "Yes! It was located in the middle of nowhere and had a large camping area. It was a two day drive. And if I recall it well, the music rocked big time."

"Yeah!" sounded from different sides.

"And if I'm correct, I think it is set in the beginning of July. Perfect timing for Isabel and Maria." Michael added.

"So, it's decided!" Max cut the knot.

"Hey, Kyle, would it be possible to finish the van in that time? Or at least get it driving again?" Michael asked.

Kyle nodded assuring. "No problem! We'll make it work."

And while the others were planning, Isabel began to clear the table. Or the blankets in this case. Her action set the others going and together they cleaned the garden up.

One by one they trudged inside to get back to work until only Michael and Maria remained. While Michael struggled to get himself back in his chair, Maria deliberately stayed with him.

She still wanted to talk to him about her great idea. And now with the others away, she found her opportunity.

"Michael," she began, "Do you remember what we talked about when I first came to the hospital?"

Her serious tone got his attention. Slowly he looked her, curious about the fact she brought up one of their lesser moments and even more anxious to know what direction she was heading.

"We talked about a lot of things. Hell, we even yelled at each other."

"Well, back then you said that you didn't know-"

But she didn't get the chance to explore her idea more before she could finish her sentence, they were interrupted by Nick.

"Hey, Michael, my dad wants to know where you want to have your sockets in the kitchen."

"Ok. I'm coming!"

Then he turned to Maria. "Is it ok if we do this another time?"

She waved him away. "Yeah, no problem."

Chapter eighteen



And if you need a good reason,
I'll give you one
Oh no, seems the best is yet to come

Novastar - The best it yet to come



"Come on, Michael, just open the door."

Impatiently, Maria peered through the small window next to Michael's front door. She cursed herself for returning to his house after working there all day. Instead of standing here in front of a closed door she could've been relaxing on her couch at home.

However she had wanted to tell Michael something important. Something private. She had tried to talk to him all day, but every single time she had started, somebody had interupted the conversation. And afterwards, when everybody had gone home after a hard day of labour, Michael had left his house too. He had gone to the Evans with Isabel and Alex.

And because she had been tired and hungry, she too had left the place without trying to talk to Michael again. But after a long shower, nice clean clothes and her dinner, she had wanted to make herself comfortable on the couch. Though she had tried to relax and think about other stuff, her mind had always gone back to Michael and her plans.

The thoughts had gone round and round in her head. And she had known too well, she wouldn't get it out of her system until she spoke with Michal. So finally, after an hour brooding about it, she had gotten up off her cosy sofa.

She had grabbed her car keys and had left on a quest to find Michael.

And it really had become a quest. Her first stop had been the home of the Evans family. But Isabel had shaken her head after she had opened the front door. Apparently Maria had missed Michael by seconds.

Afterwards she had checked Max and Liz's place, the CrashDown and the basketball court. To end up at the door step of his new house.

But the fact that Michael didn't open his door, got her all worked up because she knew he was in. Not because she could feel his presence or something as stupid as that. She could definitely hear music blaring loudly through the house.

"Come on, Guerin!" she hissed for the last time before hitting his front door out of plain frustration.

To her surprise the door flew open at her sudden outburst. Michael must have forgotten to lick the door when he got home.

Maria didn't hesitate for a minute and stepped inside.

"Michael?" she yelled several times, trying to indicate her presence.

But there was still no reaction to her call. She could hear the music very clearly now. It was some hard rock band she didn't recognize. Definitely not Metallica, of that she was sure.

The music led her to the hallway towards the bedrooms. The forbidden room. Michael was in his art room!

Now Maria could do two things. She could leave his house without peeking into Michael's art room and talk to him sometime later. Or she could take her chances and go for it.
But because she knew herself well, there was actually only one possibility left; entering the forbidden room! Her curiosity wouldn't survive her leaving.

So, unnoticed by Michael she snuck inside.

What she saw staggered her.

Colours and emotions emerged from several paintings. She recognized fragments of his wheel chair, basketball games and most of all fragments of herself.

Michael still didn't notice her. With his back to the door, and the music pounding through the room, he was completely focused on the charcoal sketch he was drawing. So she took some time to gaze around until her glance fell on one particular piece.

A painting of a heart made of glass, laying on the floor, shattered in pieces.

It grabbed her by the throat.

"Oh, Michael."

The escaped words finally drew Michael's attention.

He cursed out loud when he saw her standing in the middle of his sanctuary. Michael never felt more naked, more stripped to the bottom of his soul, more vulnerable than he did right then. And he hated it.

These were his paintings, his way of expressing his feelings, his stuff. And he wasn't big on sharing them. With anybody. Ever. Or at least, not at this moment.

So he did the first thing that came in his mind. He tossed the piece of charcoal started wheeling to the door, trying to escape the horror he felt inside.

Maria had seen his whole demeanour changing when he had became aware of her presence. A visible relaxed Michael had immediately stiffened in an extremely tense one. Just before he tried to evade her, she had seen his feelings shimmering in his brown eyes.

She could only think about the fact he had looked like a skittish deer captured in the headlights of a car.

And it was her fault.

So she did the only thing she could think of and blocked his way out.

"Let me through." He bellowed.

"Don't you even think about leaving." She roared back.

Once he saw he couldn't pass her, Michael started to shift back. Maria's reaction was quick though. With one pull she grabbed his chair and stopped him right in his tracks.

"Michael, look at me. Michael." she pleaded softly, "Please."

Knowing he couldn't escape, Michael reluctantly locked his eyes with hers.

"Don't hide. Not from me." She gestured at the room. "I realise nobody was supposed to see this. I don't have to look at it closely to know this room harbours everything you couldn't say with words. The few paintings I saw really speak for themselves."

His stone wall didn't falter. It was as if her words didn't reach him. It didn't stop her though. She knew she had to get through.

"I'm really, really sorry. I never had the intention to barge in like this. I'm not going to say I wasn't curious 'cause that would be a big fat lie. But I never wanted to offend you either."

Maria could feel his tension lessen but she knew he was still on guard.

"I didn't come to reveal your secrets. As a matter of fact I rang your door bell and screamed like a lunatic. It's not my fault you didn't hear me. Or that your door was open, for that matter." She tilted her head the side. "When I think about it, anybody could have come in. Be happy it was just me."

"Ha, nice!" Michael laughed sarcastically. "This morning you literally said you would see my paintings later. I should've known you were up to no good."

"What?" Maria shrieked.

"You heard me loud and clear, miss nosey." He responded bluntly.

His anger pushed her buttons.

"If you really want to know: I came to help you, you bone head! But I should've kicked your ass instead."

Furious, she pushed him away, turned on her heal, trying to leave as fast as possible.

"Maria?"

The tired tone in his voice made her freeze. She didn't turn around though.

"Yeah?"

Michael could really hear her hesitation. Frustrated he ran his hand through his hair. "Damn!" he thought. Although he could feel himself almost explode because somebody had dared to enter his place, he also knew Maria. He could say a lot of things about her but liar wasn't one of them. She always was very honest; in everything. That's why he liked her so much.

So when she had gotten enraged by his accusations, he knew she had been speaking the truth. That she hadn't come on false pretences to sneak upon him and his paintings.

"Sorry."

Maria could hear it was tough for him to apologize to her. And though she knew she had stepped over some boundaries too, she didn't want to let him of the hook.

"For what?"

"Look, I know you didn't intend to storm in here. Not intentionally that is."

He moved a little closer, almost touching her in the process.

"I planned on showing it to you. Someday. When I was ready."

Softly she turned around and brushed his hair. Just for a minute.

"I know. That was what I was referring to this morning. I'm sorry too. I didn't lie. I came to talk, not to nose around. But my curiosity just took over when you didn't answer my calls." Maria rambled on. "I shouldn't have entered. But it's too late to change that now, so I'll be going. We'll see-"

"Come on." With those words Michael silenced her before he took her hand to lead her to his future bedroom.

Confused Maria looked towards her friend. "Michael, what are we doing here?"

"Talking." He pointed at her. "I know you. You keep it all bottled up if I don't let you have your say. You'll probably burst and it will hit me right in the face. I'm not taking that risk. So, sit down and start talking. I'll listen. Hell, it isn't that I have something else to do anyway."

After she got seated on a crate, Maria took a deep breath. "Michael? You wanted to build a new life, right?"

Michael sat on the fence when he answered hesitating. "Yeah?" Of all the things she could discuss, he had never imagined this one.

"Do you already have an idea what you want to do?"

"Come on, Maria, where are you taking this? Just say what's on your mind."

"Well, I saw you the other day. On the basketbal court. You were helping those kids with their wooden thingy."

She looked at him to see if he knew what she was talking about, by the look of astonishment on his face, Maria knew he did so she continued. "It gave me an idea. A bright idea if you ask me. My school is looking for a new wood shop teacher. You have all the knowledge in your head and hands, Michael. And you're great with young people. And-"

He interrupted her. "Have you lost it completely? I hated school. With every fibre of my being. The system sucked big time and the teachers even more. Most of them were complete losers who didn't care."

"Then you'll know from your own experience how to do it better."

Maria inhaled deeply before she tried again. "Look, I know it sounds nuts at the moment. But please, Michael, take some time to think about it. And I mean really think about it. You would do a great job at it. You connect with those kids. They listen. And though you're the most impatient guy I know, you somehow find the calmness to work with them. To explain them how things work. To listen to them."

Maria took a moment to let the idea sink. She pulled back a curl of hair behind her ear.

With a puzzled face Michael observed her. "Why are you doing this, Maria? Why do you care?"

Deep in side of him he knew the answer though. He just wanted to hear it out loud.

"Don't you get it?" she asked.

Michael didn't answer her.

"I never stopped loving you, Michael. Ever. But I'm well aware you only want me when you've got your life back in order. And that's your right. I understand that. But you can't expect me to stay on the side-line. You can't expect that I won't try to give things a push. Look, just consider it. And if you want to go for it, you can contact the principal."

And with those words she shoved a bunch of papers into his hands.

"This will all depend on you. I just gave the first push. The rest, if you want it, is up to you, Michael."

With that Maria gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek and turned around.

"See you later."

She left him baffled with the paperwork on his lap.

Chapter nineteen


I feel so alive
For the very first time
And I think I can fly

P.O.D. - Alive



First weekend of August


They heard the sound of the car horn hoot long before they saw the dark grey car turning into the street. A sort of luggage box in the same stylish grey was secured on the hood. Music blared loudly through the open car windows.

Max was the only one who had seen the car in its previous state and recognized the completely remodelled old Volkswagen van immediately.

"Whoa, Kyle did a great job with that thing," He muttered out loud, admiring the car.

Liz directed her gaze at her husband and then back to the car. "Is that Kyle?"

"Or Michael." Max answered while he continued staring at the vehicle.

"Or both." Alex added when he saw Kyle jumping out of the car after Michael had parked it in front of the CrashDown.

With a push on the button Michael lowered his wheel chair out of the stowing area on the rook and took a seat in it when it was on the ground. All this time his friends looked at him in awe.

Only Max, who had known the plan from the beginning, moved towards the car, complimenting Kyle on the results.

"You drive!" Isabel finally blurted out.

Her words triggered the others to come closer and bombad Kyle and Michael with a hundred and one questions.

'Hey, hey, cut it out, guys!" Michael tried to silence them.

Then he turned his attention to Isabel and confirmed her question before giving more information. "With the help of Max and Kyle I passed a special exam and a couple of days ago I've got my driver's licence back. And this beauty-" He tapped on the driver's door. "This beauty is completely Kyle's work. A real master piece, if you ask me."

Kyle took over. "Yeah, and this almost thirty- year old, completely tuned and remodelled, Pearl will take us to the festival."

His words made them all cheer in and excitment.

While everybody was looking over the van, Michael noticed an unusually quiet Maria standing next to him.

"Are you so surprised too?" he asked her.

"No," she replied, her answer stunning him. "I once said you could do whatever you put your mind to. And I meant it. So, when you talked about getting your driver's license back, I just knew you would succeed. But I never expected Kyle would create one hell of car like this one!"

Michael couldn't contain his smile. "You should've seen it before though. It was incredibly hilarious and ugly." He gestured as he continued. "The van was painted in an awful yellow and green. With a purple peace symbol on the hood and freakin' flowers on the side parts. A car your mom-"

"Would've adored." Maria finished laughing and she nodded. "Completely hilarious indeed."

"Hey Michael, are you the only one who can drive this thing?"

Michael turned rapidly towards Isabel. "No, both Kyle and I can drive it."

He looked at Alex who was eagerly gazing at every small detail on the steering wheel. "And, no, Whitman. Don't you even think about laying one finger on this beauty. I want to keep it in one piece, thank you very much."

Michael's defensive attitude and Alex's slightly offended face made everybody chuckle. Michael had always been very concerned and protective about his vehicles in the past not even Max had been allowed to drive them so it was no wonder he acted the same way with this car.

"Speaking of driving; I think we should start going if we want to get in Essex in two days. Without rushing us, that is," Max warned after he looking at his watch.

They all immediately started packing the van. Between them the van was ready to go in no time.

It didn't take them long to hit the road. Michael and Max in the front seats, behind them Kyle, Tess and Liz and Alex, Isabel and Maria in the back seats. The van was so loaded that not another thing could have been squeezed in.

***

Liz stuck her head between the front seats, so she could have the attention of both Max and Michael.

"If you take that turn, Michael," she pointed. "We can sleep in the small cosy motel I saw on internet. It's one with ground floor rooms only, so it's easy to access them with the wheel chair. And then we don't have to erect that big tent this night."

Under Liz's guidance, Michael drove to the motel. After fifteen minutes he was glad he could finally park the car. It had been a long day.

He wasn't even parked properly before everybody tried to escape the van. In just a couple of minutes they all stood around the car on the parking lot relieved to have escaped the confines of the van after being seated inside for a couple of hours. Michael too, stretched himself out while his wheel chair got lowered down.

"God, I think I'm dog-tired." He moaned while taking a seat in his chair.

Maria, who was standing the closest to him, could see that it took him more time than usual to lift himself in it. Impulsivly she grabbed the handles and started pushing him inside.

"You drove us all the way up here. Now it's my turn to steer it." She said before he could protest.

To everybody's surprise, Michael didn't complain. He closed his eyes, visible relaxed and muttered "Mmm, I'm in heaven." while he let himself be pushed along for the first time since he came out the rehabilition center.

Just as they entered the reception, Liz called them to her. "Before I register, how many rooms should I get? Who's going to sleep with who?"

Simultaneously they all shouted out their answer.

"I sleep with Kyle" (Tess)

"Count one for me and Isabel" (Alex)

"With you of course." (Max)

After they had answered, they looked at Maria and Michael.

Max cleared his throat. "Uh, if you guys don't mind sharing a room?"

Without deliberating, Maria shook her head.

Michael, who didn't see Maria's reaction, agreed by blurting out "Hell, I'm so tired, I could even sleep with Valenti snoring next to me."


***

"You really didn't mind sharing this room, did you?" Maria asked Michael when they were entering their room.

"Why would I? We did it a lot when we were younger." he shrugged.

"That's the operative word, younger. We were only friends then. Now we are two people who loved each other, broke up and are trying to be friends again." Maria thought but didn't dare to speak out loud.

She had agreed rather impulsively, back at the reception. It made the most sense to take a room with Michael. In this way all their friends could sleep with their partners. But now she was actually standing in one room with him, looking at the small double bed, she felt a bit uncomfortable.

"Do you mind?" he asked in return.

Though she hesitated, Maria did the only thing she could think of and shrugged her shoulders too.

It was just then that Michael noticed the small bed too. His eyes grew wide.

"Fuck!" he muttered. "You wanna change? I can ask Isabel to trade, if you want too."

She shook her head. "No, let them enjoy their night together. We're both adults. We can do this"

The result was an awkward sleeping ritual they would both remember for years to come.

Trying not to glimpse at her baby doll and his boxers, they both sneaked quickly under the covers. Lying next to each other without touching. Every second aware of the other.
After hours of just lying awake in bed, they had eventually fallen asleep.

In the morning Michael woke first; feeling the very tempting body of Maria plastered next to his, her arm protectively round his chest.

His heart raced at a hundred beats per second. "God, she really is beautiful." Michael had to resist his instinct to touch her or kiss her.

So he did the only thing possible. Gentle and slowly Michael removed her arm off his chest. Luckily for him the angels were with him. Of course, the fact Maria was a heavy sleeper was a great help too. So without wakening her, he could manoeuvre himself quietly of the bed and into his chair.

***


After a morning travelling Kyle drove the van into a picnic area to have a noon break. By a miracle they stumbled onto a cosy spot where a small creek ran next to the picnic tables. The water streamed clear and bright.

"Hey guys, you can see the tiny little fish swimming in it." Tess yelled.

"Yeah, they would be dead if they stopped swimming." was Alex's dry remark. He received an icy look in return.

"When my dad and I went camping we held competitions to see who could catch the most fish. I can proudly say I won most often. It's really a piece of cake to catch those little ones."

"Easy?" Liz lifted her eyebrows and looked doubtfully at the squirming school of fish.

"Well, it sounds easy. Even Kyle can do it…" Max bluffed.

Alex glanced quickly at the water. "Well, it can't be that hard, right?"

The girls gazed at each other, hearing the daring statement of the guys. They all crossed their arms and looked with disregard at their men. With a twinkle in her eye, it was Maria who vocalised what crossed all of their minds. "You're all a bunch of show-offs. The question is, can you put your money where your mouth is?"

The other girls and even Michael chuckled.

"I'll show you." And with those words Kyle took off his shirt and jumped into the shallow creek.

Within minutes Max and Alex joined him. But none of them could catch a thing - To their regret and the great amusement of the others.

The sight of his soaked friends was too good to forgo the chance of teasing them. So Michael provoked them even more. "Hey you look like a bunch of water babies. Even I could do better than that sorry attempt of yours."

"Well, Guerin, what are you waiting for? We'll wring out your chair afterwards." Kyle's mocking voice tried to persuade Michael.

"Nah, I'm smarter than you guys. If I can choose between looking like a drowned cat or sitting here like a Pasha surrounded by these lovely girls who are spoiling me rotten, I know what to take."

And to reinforce his words even more, Michael leaned a little closer to Isabel while Liz filled his cup for the second time.

The look on the boys' faces was hilarious. The tone of their road trip was set.

Chapter twenty


On a platform I'm gonna stand and say
That I'm nothing on my own
And I love you, please come home

Coldplay - A message



Later that day the gang arrived at the festival. They joined forces and pitched the tent under the watchful eye of Michael who appointed himself foreman and ordered everybody around.

"Hey Alex, you have to match that pole with that one. No, no, the other way around… And now, you take-"

Everybody looked up when Michael suddenly stopped ordering them around. It wasn't hard to see what had plugged his big mouth. To their amusement, a frustrated looking Alex was marching towards Michael, brandishing a tent pole.

Michael smirked at him, an innocent look on his face. "Is there a problem, Whitman?"

"Not yet. But if you keep ordering me around like that, you could have a big one. Me!" And to everyone's surprise, Michael relinquished command and Alex took charge.

"So this is what will happen; we'll finish up the tent and in the mean time you can grill us some steaks on the barbecue. There's the barbecue" Alex pointed at the small camping device next to the van. "And in the trunk you'll find the steaks Liz bought at the last town we stopped in."

With firm steps he walked back to where they were erecting the tent. The others stared at him in awe when he said "Come one, guys, do you want to sleep in this tent or not? Start moving!"

"I think Isabel has rubbed off on him." Michael remarked, shaking them all out of their frozen state.

Laughing, everyone restarted with what they were doing and they quickly got all the work done.

They sat around the campfire until late into the night before they, one by one, ended up in their sleeping bags.


***


"Gooooodmooooorning Essex!" Kyle yelled in his best Robin Williams impression and succeeded in wakening everybody. His gaiety infected everyone, except Maria.

Her morning mood made her growl and moan. After peeking out through barely opened eyes, she turned around, pulled her sleeping bag over her head and kitten-like, curled herself into a ball.

Using only his arms Michael dragged himself a little closer to Maria's curled up body. Caressing her hair, he whispered in her ear. "Come on, wake up, sleeping beauty!"

"No! Leave me alone!" She moaned, causing him to smirk.

Michael glared devilishly at her. He winked to the others before he attacked her. Tickling her mercilessly as he tried to get her into action. "Come on, sleepy head!"

"No, no, no!" Maria's groan switched to a shriek in no time. "Michael!"

The kitten turned into a wild cat when she started to struggle back until she ended up rolling over the ground with Michael.

But Michael was a man of great strength so it didn't take him long to overpower her and to hold her gently but firmly against the ground.

"Do you surrender?" he dared her.

"No way!" she grumbled, not willing to give in.

They both glared into each others eyes, their faces a couple of inches from each other. The whole scene catapulted them both back in time.

Lying on the floor, with her above him, he kept his hold on her. With his other hand he softly tucked an escaped curl of hair behind her ear. Their breath caught and they gazed at each other with wide eyes. Completely astonished by the power of attraction between them.

But instead of kissing each other, like they had done seven months ago, they slowly pulled away - To stare again at one another in shocked surprise.

It was Max's voice who saved them. "Breakfast is ready! Who's coming?"


***

In the mean stream of people, gathered at the entrance of the festival, Michael felt very small. He had really looked forward to coming; he had never felt as ready as he did at this moment.
But seeing the crowd from his low down wheel chair gave his self-confidence a dent. The sight of the festival grass-land, difficult to negotiate in a wheelchair, didn't help him feel better either.

Searching for the strength to proceed, he grabbed the wheels of his chair, but before he could push himself any further though, his friends stepped in.

"Master Guerin, your servants are here!"

Max and Kyle crossed their arms while holding each other hands and lifted Michael out of his chair forming a human litter to carry Michael around. Alex followed the guys towards the entrance with the wheel chair. As always, Alex couldn't restrain himself from going crazy with it.

The guy at the entrance, who exchanged the tickets for festival wristbands, looked up when the group arrived.

"Hi guys, welcome to Rock Essex. You do know there is a special entrance for the handicapped, right?"

Michael looked alternatively at Kyle and Max. His eyes twinkled. Kyle and Max read his intentions and smirked, after which they all turned their head to Alex.

"Hey Alex, you have to go that way!"

Alex played along and put his tongue out of his mouth while babbling and rolling his eyes. "Is it that obvious I escaped out of the nut house?"

Even the guard couldn't suppress a smile.

When they entered the festival site, Max was still shaking his head in laughter.

"God, Alex, you really choose the wrong profession. You should've ended up on a stage as a performer."

"Nah" Alex shook his head, completely serious now. "My music is a hobby and I like it that way. Though I wouldn't mind playing here." He grinned now. "And my clown stuff? Well, that's exclusively for you guys!"

"If it all right for you, hold it in for another five minutes, will you." Kyle sighed and pointed his head towards Max. "'Cause if you keep him laughing like that, we will drop this heavy load called Michael."

Michael looked offended. "Hey, hey, you're carrying only muscles."

"More then forty pounds too much, if you ask me." Kyle quipped dryly at once.

"Hey! I'm a normal guy with a healthy weight!"

"Yeah and I'm no superman!"

While they joked around, they arrived at the spot the girls had chosen on the sit, precisely in the middle of the main stage and the pyramid marquee. So they had a great view on the main stage but they could easily go to the marquee too.

To make it cosy Isabel and Liz were laying blankets on the ground while Maria was unpacking the smuggled drank supply.

"Where do you want to sit down, Michael?" Max asked.

"And please decide fast, will you!" Kyle urges as sweat dripped from his forehead.

Max and Kyle quickly lowered Michael to the ground after he had pointed to the blankets.

"Look, guys, there's Michael!"

The gang turned their heads in surprise to watch as three young kids joined them and enthusiastically took a seat next to Michael. They bombarded him with their chatter. Michael's eyes twinkled at their enthusiasm.

"Hi! We just wanted to say hello!"

"Hey, great to see you!"

"Ryan couldn't come. He's on vacation with his folks."

"Which group do you want to see, Michael?"

"Whoa, nice Metallica shirt. Where did you get it?"

"When are we going to see you on the basketball court again?"

Michael grinned. "Well, hello to you all too!"

Pointing to each individual kid, he responded to their cross-fire. "I only want to see Metallica up close but, the rest, I think I'm going to enjoy from here. The T-shirt I bought long time ago, when I was about your age. But I bet they have some nice ones this year too. And what do you say we shoot some hoops next Thursday?"

"Oh! Ok! See you later this weekend!" And like a whirlwind they stood up and ran away leaving Michael's friends in astonishment.

Michael himself shook his head in laughter. "That was the kids from the playground. I occasionally play basketball with them. Great kids! Just a little impulsive!"

"You don't say that." Was Liz's laconical answer. And with that they all laughed and started their festival weekend.


***


A couple of hours later Maria returned to their spot on the festival area after seeing an act by herself. Michael was the only one she found though. Apparently the others were mingling around too.

Relaxed, he was lying completely stretched out one of the blankets. His eyes closed, clearly enjoying the moment. Maria hesitated to take a seat next to him. Instead she just stared at him. The view stunned her. He had tossed his Metallica t-shirt aside and his naked chest appealed to her like never before.

"I'm not going to eat you. We both survived a night in a motel together. So I'm pretty sure you're safe sitting next to me."

"How did you know it was me?" she asked curious while stretching herself out next to him.

"Your shadow gave you away." His answer came quickly. Though it wasn't completely the truth. He had smelled her too. The peach flavour of her shampoo combined with the spicy essence of her oils was so recognizable for him.

Michael gazed at her from the corner of his eyes. Maria was humming a song while tapping along with her foot. God, she looked great!

Time had flown in the last couple of months. He had enjoyed every single minute of it. Alone and together with his friends. And with her too, of course. He really couldn't imagine life without her. The few months without her because of their fight, had made it clear to him that he had been a stupid prick.

"Cause without the one you love, you're just -"

"Incomplete."

"A stupid moron."

The scene with Kyle replayed in his mind. Over and over again.

He cleared his throat. It was now or never.

"Maria?"

"Mmm." Maria's stayed close when she answered him absently.

"Do you remember the present you brought me in rehab?"

"The one I threw at your head?" His question made her sit straight up. Her eyes focused on him.

Michael smirked. "Yeah! That would be the one!"

It made her laugh. "Well, I definitely remember that one. It was a self made mixed CD with a lot of alternative rock songs on it. Some you liked and a lot I liked myself."

"You know, through the past months, they meant a lot to me," Michael confessed. "Believe it or not but every song on that CD has carried me along. From then until now."

"And which song is in your head at the moment?" she asked curiously.

He sang. "On a platform I'm gonna stand and say. I'm nothing on my own. And I love you, please come home."

Breathlessly Maria stared at him. "Oh my God, I never knew you could sing!"

Michael waved her comment away. "That's not important. The question is; did you hear the words?"

Not comprehending him, she nodded in question.

"Do you remember I said I wasn't worthy of you 'cause I was half of a man?"

"Oh, yeah! Nightmare New Year's Eve!"

"I was right and wrong at the same time."

His cryptic response made her frown.

"My flaw is not my handicap or my lack of prospects." Before Maria could react, he went on. "You know, I did search for the meaning of my life. I played sport, went out, found myself a home. And through my car I regained a big piece of my freedom. And because of you I've got some prospects too. I thought about what you said a lot." Michael paused briefly to look at her. "Thanks for not pushing me by the way."

Maria smiled at him.

"I'm going to try it, Maria. I'm going to try out that job as a teacher. Maybe it's going to turn out all right, maybe not. But you know what?" he said while scratching his eyebrow with his thumb.

For the first time in her life, Maria didn't dare to answer him.

"I wouldn't mind if the job will turn into one big mistake. That job is not the missing piece in my puzzle. I'm not going to find my happiness in it. It's not the thing that will make me complete. I realized that the other day."

Michael inhaled deeply. "'Cause you know, Maria, I'll still stay incomplete."

He looked her right in the eyes. "I'll stay incomplete, Maria -" Softer now he finished. "Cause you're not around. You're my missing piece. You're the one who makes everything, me, complete."

Tears ran down her face while he pulled her in his arms. "Sorry, I kept you waiting, that I took my time to figure it out. I was too blind to see the richness I had already; you!"

He took her head in his hands, caressing the soft outlines of her face, gently wiping her tears away. "And now I made you cry."

"They are happy tears. I'm happy." And with that she embraced him tighter.

A couple of kisses later, Maria muttered something between the kisses.

"What did you say?"

"I should have never put Radiohead, Arid or K's Choice on that CD!"

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Huh?"

"Then you would have never had those strange thoughts in your head. You would've never doubted yourself or us."

"But then we wouldn't have been able to make up either. So-" Lovingly he held her even closer to his body.

Intertwined in each other's arms they looked at the main stage.

And he felt whole. Fulfilled. Complete.

Epilogue



I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind

Gavin Degraw - I don't want to be


A year and a half later


The tall man moved slowly through the dim hallway. Supported by crutches and an iron will, he walked carefully, step by step, in the direction of the light. Though he walked easier and steadier now than he had just a couple of months ago, it still took him a lot of effort to do so.

"Hi, wait up!"

"Mister G., wait for us!"

The yells of the four kids echoed in the hallway. Michael stopped when he heard them shout. Leaning on his crutches he waited. When they finally reached him, he smirked at the kids.

"Did you got lost, guys? It's a Friday evening and you're still running through school. Couldn't you miss it for a second? Big transformation from the lazy bunch I saw earlier in my class."

"We came to see the exhibition."

Another one nodded. "We wanted to see your paintings."

Michael's smirk widened in a smile now. "Never would've guessed you guys were into art."

"Well, it's your art." The smallest of them all pointed out.

"Whoa, man, your backpack just moved!" Ryan, one of the kids, shrieked amazed, pointing at the bag Michael was wearing on his chest. "It's alive!"

They all took a step back.

Except for Ryan, who curiously tried to peak in it. "Is it a puppy?"

The others came back eager to know more about the mysterious moving bag.

"No, bone head, it's a baby. Look!" The oldest, who was standing the closest to Michael, revealed the tip of the head of the child.

"Whoa! Where did you get one of those?"

His friend thumped him in the arm. "In a baby shop of course! What d'you think? D' oh!" He rolled his eyes.

Michael laughed out loud now while shaking his head in amusement. Though he really enjoyed the kids' bickering, he had to stop them before it got out of hand.

He removed the little child from his cosy baby carrier, so the boys could see him better. The almost newborn child snuggled closer against Michael's chest while gripping his shirt in his tiny fist.

"Guys, may I introduce to you, Lucas Guerin. My son. Lucas, these are Pete, Ryan, Frank and Brendan. They make school and my classes completely unsafe. Be alert when you see them later 'cause they are great basketball players too."

"Whoa! Who's the mom?"

"You would've known the answer to that question if you would actually attend your English classes instead of only going to your wood shop and gym." Maria's voice startled them all.

Surprised and embarrassed they looked at her. "Uh, hello Miss Deluca."

When they looked back at Michael, the boys saw his eyebrows moving upwards. Giving them a clear sign by holding his left hand with his wedding ring upright. They corrected themselves. "Uh, Mrs Guerin."

And before Maria could make a remark, they scooted away. "Bye Mr G.! Mrs G.!"

Maria shook her head on laughter but immediately forgot about them though. She had only eyes for Michael and her baby boy. She kissed Michael warmly while tenderly caressing Lucas's little head. "How are my boys doing?"

"We just met Roswell High brightest but other than that we're alright." Michael's grin made her giggle.

"And are you ready for the exhibition?" she asked him softly.

"Not exactly. But with you and little Lucas by my side, I can conquer almost anything." He kissed her softly on her temple. "Come on, let's do this before I change my mind, take you home and make love to you. If I have to start a conquest, I can easily start there. With you."

Maria burst in laughter seeing the devilish look in her husband's eyes. "You already got me, Michael. Didn't I say 'I do' a couple of months ago?"

"Uh huh, but that doesn't mean I can't do it over and over again." He smirked now. "Hey, it's not my fault I'm addicted to your gorgeous body!"

She cocked an eye, flattered with his compliment. "If you keep talking like that, I'm going to abduct you to the eraser room. I'll nibble and kiss myself a way from your mouth, over your naked muscular chest towards your aroused-"

Michael moaned at the thought alone. But when he gripped his crutches to keep in control, his eyes fell on the little baby carrier on his chest. The baby!

And before Maria could finish her sentence, he stopped her by pressing his mouth on hers. She immediately wrapped her arms round his neck. Holding his weight against the wall, he kept her close to his body.

With hunger clearly written in his eyes, Michael whispered in her ears. "You can do whatever you want to do. My body and soul are yours." And then he nodded towards Lucas. "But if it's ok for you, we'll wait till after the official fuzz and after we dumped this cute little man with Uncle Max and Aunt Liz."

With one hand Maria run a finger over his backbone, sighing. "Mmm, let's hurry then. The sooner we're at the painting thingy, the earlier we can leave."

Michael's eyes twinkled. God, he felt lucky. Though his life was far from perfect, he was contented. He wouldn't change it, not for the world. Six months ago he had married the love of his life. Maria made his life sparkle and two months ago she had given him the most beautiful present possible, their son. And together with their friends, they had a great time. He was as happy as a king.

It even didn't bother him anymore that he hadn't completely recovered. To his and Maria's surprise he had started feeling little things about a year ago. Slowly but determined he had regained several locomotory abilities over the year. And though it sometimes hurt like hell, he kept pushing his boundaries.

His latest success was the possibility of putting one foot before the other. It was far from running, but it was literally and metaphorical speaking, a big step. And he was enjoying every inch of it.

Michael smiled again at Maria. Without speaking she knew what he was asking. She was ready so she nodded.

And together they walked along.